a kiss to build a dream on...

hung out with the jancowski sisters and clay last night and it was good to see people cause i hadnt done much but work since thanksgiving. i worked 72 hours last week man thats crazy. if you tried to call sorry i forgot to pay my phone bill! paying it today though!

you are not what you own!

last night at work i watched boondock saints and fight club good movies and a pretty good night at work. it was slow nothing to do really. so i went to a families house for thanksgiving and it was so weird to be away from family and tradition and all the people you grew up doing this with across the country all your life. its weird to think one day i will be helping my wife and kids have some sort of tradition to love. oh well i am thankful for life and all the ways God has blessed me and ken read a little devotion before dinner about how those who bless God and praise his name can only do so out of knowing him and being thankful for him. it was a nice little tradition that may be in the back of my mind when i start getting these things together you know. i havent slept much this week and i think that next week is looking equally as busy. ok well i hope all you guys were thankful for something yesterday and every day as long as it isnt material things. maybe i watches fight club too much...

yeah all i really want is girls....

so sunday after noon i went to lunch with clay marisha and marie. this was one of the best times that i have ever had in my life. i laughed until my sides hurt and then laughed some more. i have so much fun with those girls and when clay is around them he lightens up a little also. itsnice to see him not so serious sometimes. the more i hang ot with those girls the more i just wish it was marie who i was buying lunch and not clay... hahahaoh well ill settle for hurt sides and a smile that lasts the rest of the week on memories of rubber band pig faces, and hawk impercinations, marie using the step stool as a booster seat and wearing the brown gloves that look like those of a falconeer! sweet!! ok i just woke up here and its 4 in the after noon and now i am heading back to work i didnt quite sleep 8 hours cause in the middle of sleeping everyone was int he livingroom so i got up and went out there. i tried to stay awake but i kept dosing off and once i would hank would try to take advantage of my leg what a way to be woken up.

i need you so much closer. . .

on sunday i thought about nikki a lot. at church there was a lady who sang a song and it said something like we can show we are thankful by our thanks-living and i thought it was ok but kinda cheesy and then i thought about nikki and how if we were sitting beside eachother it would have been over. you know that feeling where you look down and your face is burning and your cheeks get sore cause you are holding in the biggest laugh in the world and then you look at your sibbling and you almost loose it cause you know they are thinking the same thing. well thats how me and nikki are only sunday there was no one to look at and no to to try not to laugh with. i miss you a lot sister. i work a lot this week every night at both places. but you know what else is there to do??? i am already allocating all the money i will make you know im gunna get a new camera well kalebs old one and then im gunna get a g4 and then im gunna get a car its funny how the thought of money makes you want stuff you dont need and how you just get more and more greedy. i started giving bums money thats what i have decided to do thanks to my good friend aaron lebrun i wanted to do it for a while but i didnt even have money for myself much less bums. and that whole thing in leviticus that i read about where it was actually law to take care of bums and such. oh well. so thats me attempting to cast my bread out into the water...chelsea when is your wedding and i never had the nick name loser. rayna hows the camera that your pops gave you? everyone else i love you all...

yeah she is beautiful but she dont mean a thing to me...

here is what i think is wierd i ran into laura today while i was at starbucks and i talked to her for a minute she is the kind of person that i will be friends with when i see her and thats nice otherwise she will be in the back of my mind as the girl in the coffee shop sophomore year who broke my heart. we talked like old friends but felt like strangers...she mentioned the poem that i wrote her which she still has she said i like it objectively becuase that is the only way that i can like it. i asked what she ment and she said if she didnt like it objectively it migt mean she still liked me so she can only like it objectively. i think that she still kinda likes me not cause im concidedbut because of how we acttowards eachother.

i talked to a stranger on the phone tonight and we talked like old friends who knows maybe well be good friends from now on.

got a nick name at work for some reason its flounder its what my name says on the scedule and what my boss calls me and introduces me as. i like it my boss has a cousin called jimmy the torch i told him i wanted a bad ass nick name like the torch and i end up with flounder. oh well i got a nick name

hot pink on the bumper looks nice i put the blue stars on first then covered them wiht pink and they kinda glow. i think i will leave the stencils on teh bumper only for now and eventually i will work on more stencils and get the sides covered. its pretty funny to have spray paint on your car. oh well thats all

call me out side ill come runnin down to you...

loosing track of days and wondering where the time went since all i really remember in the last couple days is going to buffalo wild wings with critter hitting on the waitress who serves us every tuesday and and being at work. today was good though i made some star stencils and put them on teh bumper of my car. i thought about spry painting the whole thing but it never really happened cause my dad would tell me how stupid i am. so the bumper has the girl laying down stencil forwards and inverted and 3 stars so its kinda like this
* 2-------8 * 8-------2 * and that is blue so tonight i bought some hot pink spray paint and i am going to go over it with that so it will either just be a big sloppy mess or it will look pretty sweet. either way i have paint on my bumper. i also bought a puzel tonight it is a windmill with TULIPS isnt that cute i mean you know how i love those tulips i think it is missing a piece already though. but it was somethign to do for 3 hours with friddie. i think it will take a couple weeks to do maybe but it will be something to do around the house i guess.
i like working nights cause i get to read a lot i am currently reading fight club which is pretty much just like the movie so far and the life of God and the soul of man this is by henry scougal its good but sometimes the entire paragraph is one sentence long wierd and you thought i was the run on champ ;) i got my hair cut yesterday andthe girl did a good job i think and she was real pretty. anyways i love the books im reading and so i will write a quote so you can see how long this guy makes his sentences plus its kinda good you intriguing makes you think.

the worth and excellency of a soul is to be measured by the ojects of its love. (crazy long huh...)
ok this second chapter was so awesome i am going to put all the things i highlited from it here so i hope you think that it is as nice as i do even though you will be lost for context...i suppose you might pick it up though it all about love.
other things can be taken from us by violence; but none can ravish our love:
it is not possible to refuse him anything to whom, by love, we have given ourselves: nay it is the privilege of gifts to reveive their value from the mind of the giver, and not to be measured by the event, but by desire, he who loveth, may, in some sense, be siad not only to bestow all that he hath, but all things else which may make the beloved person happy;
Again as devine love doth advance and elevate the soul; so it is that alone which can make it happy: the highest and maost ravishing pleasures, the most solid and substantial delights that human nature is capable of, are those which arise from the endearments of a well-placed and successful affection. that which imbitters love, makes it ordinarily a very troublesome and hurtful passion, is the placing it on those who have not worth enough to deserve it, or affection and grattitude to requite it, or whose absencemay deprive us of the pleasue of theis converse, or their miseries occasion our trouble. to all these evvils are they exposed whose chief and supreme affection is placed on creatures like themselves; but the love of God delivers us from them all.
what is a little skin-deep beauty, or some small degrees of goodness, to match or staisfy a passion which wasmade for God
love is all the tribute we can pay him, and it is the sacrifice which he will not despise.
i am content to be anythign for him, and care not for myself, but that i may serve him.
he would snatch a kiss from teh hand that was smiting him, and gather sweetness from the severity...(i love that one)
the severities of a holy life, and that constant watch which we are obliged to keep over our hearts and ways, are very troublesome to those who are only ruled and acted by an external law, and have no law in thei minds inclining them to the performanceof their duty; but where divine love possesseth the soul, it stans as sentinel to keep out everything that may offend the beloved, and doth disdainfully repulse those temptations which assault it, it complieth cheerfully, not only with explicit commands but with the most secret notices of the beloveds pleasure, and is ingenius in discovering what will be most grateful and acceptable unto him; it makes mortification and self denial change their harsh and dreaful names and become easy, sweet and delightful things.
there is no slavery so baseas that whereby a man becomes a drudge to his own lusts, or any victory so glorious as that which is obtained over them.
the humble person hath the advantage, when he is despised, that none can think more meanly of himthan he doth of himself; and thereforhe is not troubled at the matter, but can easily bear those reproaches which wound the other to the soul...
man so many little pieces of advice and insights to truth i love reading and i love quotes so there are teh best parts of chapter 2. maybe some of you made it this far if so congrats my friend on reading the longest blog ever by wess howell sweet huh...

*what you love and cherish deeply will turn and kill you someday*

church was good tonight. i am glad that i get to go to fair grove. tomorrow i work my first over night and by friday i am on the schedule by my self. so here goes the crazy life where i dont see anyone for a while. i guess mostly i feel like maybe life is supposed to be more than this bigger grander more life a rock and roll show %100 of the time. maybe that and the fact that im not sure what i want or need to do in life and the fact that im not really heading in a certain direction kinda make me feel like i could get stuck doing the same old nothing for the rest of my life. that is a scary thought. oh God let me not be stuck here or any where...

chase what makes your heart flutter...

last night i got off work around 10 30 then i went to star bucks and got some coffee then i stopped by shelas and gave her a roll of film and we talked about some art stuff a little. i wrote on the roll of film Fall (in love) 04 and i told her about this art project that i had in mind when i was taking the pictures of the trees for her. basicly i think fall would be a nice time to have a significant other and i have some leaves that i have pressed between book pages and i wanted to collage them into a spray paint oil pastel sort of mess and call it art. shela said it sounded fun. i called up sean koonce whos number i will post later for you amanda and he was over at todds playing halo 2 man that game is crazy. i played i mean i was a target a little and tehn i came home cause it was 2 and i had to get up at 5 45. i worked from 7-3 and then from 5-10 and then went to marisha and maries. marisha liked the card i gave her and marie thanks me for the cardi sent home with marisha on wednesday and i felt so out of place. i havent hung out with church people for so long that i dont feel like i fit in much anymore not that i ever did i guess i just noticed tonight that i was somehwere else the whole night. where was i, im not sure but i think that sometimes you hold on so tight to things you choke the life out of them...
i guess i need some more instructi0ns on where to be and when *lifted* whos getting married and when and where and sometimes i wish inamed my blog my name and so did everyone else so i wouldldnt just wonder who you all were but then i think if you are named joe that isnt much help either. really i guess i am just trying to say one week of 23 and i still feel lost as ever maybe more so tonight than id like to admit. i need to get up in 5 hours to work again so i am going to sleep now. maybe this all pays off in the end.

i need thee every hour...

made some more stencils today and they lookpretty good. man i love spray paint. i also took a roll of pictures of all the trees that are still very pretty. although i might never see them since i took them for shela i think that she wants to send them to a guy she met this summer. thanks jay for making the site look nice. i have to work at digiacintos tonight but i am pretty excited cause i havent worked there all week. plus i will get some cash to spend cause ill get tipped tonight. that will be pretty nice. maybe ill go out after.
i talked to sean koonce and he told me about this camp in the alps where this guy does camps but they are art camps. so i was thinkin that i might get in contact with him and see if they have any place for a kidd who likes art. if thats the case then i would love to live in the alps for a couple years and just see what happens. ok well gotta get to work!

one day well see the show in fancy cars expensive clothes

i have looked at the card that marie gave me about 2000 times and i think that she is really pretty! i put it in my bag so that i could look at it whenever i felt like it and im glad i did cause i felt like it a lot. i finished travels with charlie tonight and i tried to start a book called if morning ever comes. i couldnt get into it so i started reading fight club the novel. seems pretty good after chapter one. i wasnt ready to be done with travels with charlie i know after 3 months steinbeck was ready to get home and the end of the book made that pretty clear. after all he says that his journey was over before he got home. he lost it in virginia. i know what thats like you know to be on a road trip and to loose the trip to just be done wiht it and have everything in your mind be about home. yesterday was my birthday and it was pretty uneventful. i worked but atleast i got to see my parents and eat steak for lunch. today i worked and it was ok. now comes the fun part where i get to start working over nights and i think i will be in it to win it after that. 3 people are quitting or being fired soon. jeez. ok well hope all is well in your world.
rayna call me and we can talk about the camera 417 496 0199 ok anyone else call me also if you need something. sister thanks for calling kyle sorry its only 10 more minutes of your b-day hope you had a good one!

im a gorilla for scrilla...

took picutres of aaron and steph today because steph is pregnant and wanted to take osme pics before she got *fat* it was fun havent hung out with the boons for a while. the gave me some money so i bought some books. when people are big and God is small by ed welch and mortification of sin by owen and also a book about prayer by edwards one day i will write down the title for you because its kinda like that one fiona apple cd the pawn... well its called *an humble attempt...* i think that i really am better at black and white i dont know if thats cause it just looks cooler or cause im better i mean maybe im actually not so good andits just a novelty just kiddin i think i just see things in black and white better than color. i might buy kalebs camera from him cause i like cameras so rayna i know you dont have a nice camera but i might have a nice manual camera for sale i just dont know if i want to sell it or not. oh well if you are looking for a manual camera let me know. its really the only way to go. hangin out with johnie tonight and my parents cause its my birthday tomorrow. it will be good to see the rents i havent seen them in 3 months well 2 months i think i dunno. its been too long though. we are going to go to eat at the retaurant that i work at and then they are staying at the hotel that i work at. i guess i got some pretty sweet jobs. ok thats all really...

she folded up her fears like paper airplanes...

so i am about to turn 23 and i thought that i would have the world conquered by now but i guess the older you get the more confused you get. i mean maybe you can make sense of it all but me well im just lost. i keep repeating the asame mistakes and making the same bad decisions. i guess if someone was watching my life the might be confused about the whole thing. yesterday i asked johnie if she wanted to go out but she had basketball practice and also homework so she had to pass. i gave up mostly cause i think she is way better than me but she asked what i had going this weekend i told her my parents were coming down and that we would probably go out to eat on saturday and that i would love it if she came with us. she said that sounded great and my day was just a little better.
rayna sorry that i am going to be 23 and still write in run on sentences. punctuation was never really a strong point in my grammer.