time flies...and high fives

packed everything up and left springfield a day late. so i got home thursday around 5 and its nice to see everyone i was a little worried about boredom cause it comes quick sometimes when you are just sitting around teh house. but nikki and i hung out ran around town bought mom some lunch and then we ate with her and tested sme teas. they were pretty good so we picked up a couple different kinds. lauren and suzy came up and we had a blast. then yesterday morning we got up around 5 30 and left by 6 to go back to springfield i had to pick up a bed so nikki and i hung out down there. came back and here we are at sunday afternoon already and less than 48 hours to go and im gone. man time flies.
jeremy rented this movie with sean penn in it and it was about a guy who was going to assassinate nixon. i didnt know there was such a man but he had a mini recorder and he recorded his thoughts from teh time he had the idea until the time he attempted to complete the task. it was interesting. but mostly it just ade me think of how i would record my thougts as i set off on this adventure to the great plains. how will i remember the emotions that i felt. and so i and going to have a journal and i am going to take pictures and i will write down the pictures and try to let them tell the story of my adventure with as little words as possible. and then i am going to make a scrap book of sorts. and it will chronicle all ten weeks of the summer. i will start monday night or tuesday morning. i will try to post some thoughts on here if you are interested.

wed have more drinks where we's speak of so many things...

so i dont think the punishment fit the crime. as we sat in the office, my third meeting of the day. the dean looked somber with his purple tinted skin and he reads us an old testament passage about how the Lord is glorified through the confession of akon as he repents for stealing things and hiding them in his tent. and then he asks if we know the end of the story and like the seniors at bible college we alled just stared and he asked all 7 of us one by one if we knew, no no no no... you get the picture. and so he read about after the confession they gave the stuff back and then were stoned cause they disobeyed the lord. at this point i got a little concerned and started looking for one of the lawn boys to wheel in a bucket of rocks for tehm to pummel us with. unfortunately he meant that the stated punishment would be placed on us. and so 7 students were expelled for the semester but we all finished a week before this meeting. 4 seniors 2 days away from graduating who had enjoyed an alcoholic beverage in the privacy of their own home are no longer allowed to walk. i could only think of all the sleep i missed out on and how much their claim to be consistant was anything but.
i watched as 2 of the guys lost it and just started to cry their eyes out. i bit my tongue hard as i felt the sware words coming the insults and everything i could think that would hurt those men who just kicked me out of school for my own good cause they cared about me. instantly they were assulted with phone calls from pastors parents and anyone who was ready to do whatever it took to defend these students. nothing has changed yet but this morning my pastors wife went in the office of bro adams with the name of a lawyer who says that since we had finished the asigned semester we can not legally be punished by loosing our semester. this is because the school is accredited through a secular acredidation. huh? mostly i am mad because my brother and sister were down and all i did was work and deal with this. i didnt even get to see them.
i thought about packing today and how much i hate it and how most of the time i end up throwing so much away just cause i would rather part with it than take it somewhere else and not need it. i also thought about all the people i want to spend time with and how i am not going to be able to do it cause there just isnt enough time. im not sure where it went so fast but im sure that its probably all been lost to work... that is all i ever do...

you wont believe me when i say it wont be alright...

so after 5 years at bbc i am actually worried this time that i pushed to hard and there will be consequinces for my actions. yess i drank beer. and now in 2 hours i have a meeting with the deans to discuss my fate. i of course only took 3 hours this semester so the most they could do would be to take away my 3 hours. i have some friends however that are walking and they are worried that they wont be able to this is a little more serious since there is family coming in to see them. i think that i am not mad that i am in trouble for breaking a rule i think that i am more confused why it is that people feel the need to tell on other people when we are all adults. and so my first instinct is to just say since we are in 3rd grade again i will tell on everyone i know who has ever done anything wrong so that there will be plenty of trouble to go around. but i realize that wouldnt be very mature. so i have just begun to think if someone thought i had a problem why wouldnt they confront me about it why take it to the deans of the school. and so i think to myself there are so many beams in my eyes how could i ever try to help my brothers with the specs in theres. i have trouble confronting people because i know the secrets of my own heart. the ways in which i am currently failing at life. and so i feel like i am continually being conformed to the image of christ but i am also continually repenting. so i guess i will let you all know what i think is wrong with your lives as soon as i get mine cleaned up... dont hold your breath.
last week of work and i couldnt be happier it couldnt have happened at a better time. im already gone mentally. trying to fit in a few more hang out times with people i like. im moving on...

i could tell you all about it, i could tell you why i doubted, and why i still believe it...and why i need it and what the pharisees don't see...

An observation that i made tonight as i witness yet another act of infidelity... i think i can change the world or at least change some kids view of the world. We all grow up a little jaded and bad stuff happens to most of us some worse than the next guy and people like me live relatively problem free lives. i think to make this change in the world though i have to get out of this hotel!!! You see as a friend pointed out to me Monday night when all you see is people who are so messed up it begins to be the norm. You start to think that everyone is cheating or being beaten or strung out and hopeless. These are the adults who are helping the youth grow up with those jaded eyes and i might be able to say something in passing that will help them see some sort of light, but the bigger need for change is with those who are being effected by the careless adults who are living their lives in digression, trying to relive the best times of thier lives which happened when they had no responsibility, which is no longer the case. how could someone be so open about cheating? i suppose large quantities of alcohol hinder judgment quite a bit, and apparently enough to tell the front desk worker at a hotel that he can only have your home number if he promises not to call your husband. i have been fighting the urge all night to place an anonymous call to the husband. and there are still enough hours in the night to be persuaded and i admit im almost there.

and if you would have known what this means, i desire mercy, and not a sacrifice, you would not have condemned the guiltless

my heart is broken for those who have been forgotten by careless adults and judged without mercy by *christians* God let me always see the humanity in light of you may my love reflect the love that has been shown to me. may i be more concerned with showing mercy to those in need than fighting religious fights that arent changing lives.

artificial inteligence...

come away oh human child to the waters of the wild,
with a fairy hand in had
for the worlds more full of weeping than you could understand....

who shall i blame for this sweet and heavy trouble for every stupid struggle...

i put my two weeks in last night at the hotel and i slept through work again today at digiacintos. i think that one thing i am looking forward to about north dakota is that i wont be working 75 hours a week. what is it like to sleep 8 hours a night more than once a week. its been so long that i can remember anymore. oh well two weeks and it will all be over.
thank goodness for people who are older and wiser than i am. its so funny when you are young that you have the whole world figured out and the older you get the more you realize that you never really had a hold of anything but your ideas and they were mostly wrong or too simple. i am only 23 years old and i cant imagine finding out that i know even less than i think i do now.(although i expect North dakota to be such an experience) i dont think i will be surprised by knowing less but im sure how i get to that point will continually shock me. i suppose even when you think nothing is ever as it seems you are still shocked when it ceases to be how it seemed.
growing up is wierd, i wonder if you ever think now this is what i thought it would be like to be a grown up. i guess my thougts were pretty impractical. i guess i want to know why these days are the *best days of your life* i look forward to growing older there is so much to experience and i am ready to hit the ground running! two and a half weeks and a new chapter will be upon me. i look forward to documenting that chapter through blogs and photographs!

some friends came up to visit at the hotel tonight and we had a good time it makes the night go by a little faster when someone is here to pass the time with you. only 11 more days of work and im out, thats exciting. nikki and aaron are coming sunday and life is pretty good.
i finished my last day of class today and it feels good to know that i am done with school for a little while although i wish i was done for good and getting a degree. in time i guess. in time.

one step closer to north dakota...

i talked with the pastor of the church in northdakota for 40 minutes tonight and it went well. he asked me to tell him abbout myself and my strengths and weaknesses and so i just told him that i was pretty much the collest guy he would ever meet and that he would be making a huge mistake to pass this chance by. ok not really. but it did go well. he said that he liked my resume ( i think it was all the time i spent at pondi pines!) and he said that he thought that everything would be good for me to spend the summer there. and after that we would evaluate if i would stay. so he said he would let me know for sure on before sunday. man it would be really nice to be there in a month. thats crazy things happen pretty fast i guess.

youve got teh kindest eyes that i have ever seen...

how could i sum up my life in 2 pages all o fmy experience and desire who i am in a nice little package. well actually it only took one page and i dont think that i even filled it up all the way. i hate resumes and well really i hate interviews also i mean you are nervous so your a little fake and you know they are going to look for certain answers to thier questiones so you try to answer how they want. i dunno anyway i sent my resume to north dakota and i figure they will get it sometime today but im not sure when i will hear from them.