i once knew a girl in the years of my youth...

i have been thinking about the message that pastor kevin preached on sunday. the first sunday he spoke about being poured out like a drink offering and last sunday he talked about he lamps of our eyes. the drink offering has to do with being entirely consumed and used for G-d by G-d and the lamp has to do with letting G-d have access into all the parts of your life. and i know those dark parts of myself like the back of my hand. and i have been thinking about my desire to be honest and to live a life of brokenness before G-d searching for wholeness, this can only be accomplished through honesty about my dark parts. why am i so scared to be transparent, why do i think that it would be terrible if people knew i was as messed up as i know that i am or as they know that they are. maybe grace means less to us because we like to think that we are already perfect, maybe it would begin to look more right and more amazing if we let it be what it reallys is or if we looked at ourselves as we really are. maybe this is what my boy james was talking about when he said that if we hear teh word but it doesnt change us we are like the person who looks in teh mirror and forgets what they look like. so for this year i am setting out to take a long hard look at myself and explore the depths of my darkness and pray that as i find the deep dark places christ comes with me and brings light to them. so that the light of the world becomes a light fully shining inside of me.

i think that i have found a new church and i am very happy about that.