you could change my life...

thinking baout the future what i will do once i graduate college in 5 months (tentatively) and what that will look like is still as confusing as ever. i thought i would just go to sms and get a degree in photography but im not sure i am taking a continuing education class (advanced photography) on tuesday nights with john and kaleb. maybe that will help me be more sure about it. i think about ponderosa and how it has changed my life and how i cant really afford to go back but it would deffinately be worth it. and then i think how is it that i can just be friends with a girl and that could effect what decision i make. how could i think im not sure what i will do this summer cause im not sure if we will be just friends or something else. i guess i can assume though that like most things this one wont work out either. so how can i let it effect me plans for life. i think maybe this week i will just tell michelle exactly how i feel when she is awake this time since i had the practice un while she was asleep. maybe it will be the end of hangin out with her maybe it will be the end of a nice friendship but i still have the fact that i had a life just a couple months ago before we hung out and if that changes im sure there will be some time when another girl comes to distract me. plus why would i just get more atached to someone who wants nothing to do with me.
how did this happen how am i such a mess when did life start taking over i feel like im along for teh ride and wherever life wants to go it does and i just get dragged along. maybe i should just sleep more...