fountainstylerootbeer

2007-02-13T00:27:00.000-08:00

its funny how things come and go. mostly i mean relationships. i was a little worried that my two best friends had found girls that they would be together with all the time now. turns out that neither one of them lasted real long and we have been hanging out more lately than we have in about 2 months. things are going well in springfield and i am getting a lot of oppertunity to take pictures. it has been so nice to get to do what i want with art. i have also been feeling a little creative so i am working on getting a couple ideas together for shows. i think i would like to start trying to get my work into galleries around town. here is a couple of things i have been working on. i hope you enjoy them i enjoyed making them.

black and white prints from photographs i have taken...
stephen and the beeramid

abigail thinking

i have also been thinking of contrast or irony or things that just dont really make sense and so this is laura

you can give me feed back if you would like i think that might be nice.

4 and twenty blackbirds...

2007-01-02T01:58:00.001-08:00

happy new years. life is good. i had a good new years eve. some people endulged and paid hte price i just watched it all and took some pictures. before i left for new years though i had a great time with abby and her family. we went bowling and then back to her house for some carne` esada tacos. man they were great and i told he mom that if she wasnt married that i would be knockin down her door! here are some pics of everything.

abbies mom, maker of tacos and so much more.

maybe they dont realize alcohol impairs your ability to operate cameras.

who do you think puked later? yeah both of them thats a great guess...

you cant just shake up all that alcohol and think nothing will happen.

ive had enough to know ive had enough

2006-12-28T10:40:00.000-08:00

holidays... i think that the best thing that happened was that i got to spend time with my brother and sister, mom and dad. we went to see night at the museum and it was nice. then the siblings hung out the next day we took some pictures so ill put those here.

i bet that you wish your family was this fun. i hope we all end up living in the same city soon so that we can always have fun!

virginia reel around the fountain.

2006-11-07T02:48:00.000-08:00

i almost died. there is an old factory/warehouse close to where i live and it just so happens that stephen is friends with a girl who knows the people who own part of it and they let her keep herart stuff there. she paints. stephen matty and myself went to see what she was painting. we walked up some stairs and then into a creepy open room with lots of garage doors and metal frame work. there was a door at the back of this room which led to a smaller open room where the girls were. this room was a little more homey but still was covered in dirt and smelled like mildew. the southern wall was composed of silohs. there was a strange round feel to it and at the last siloh there was a little loft half way up to the cieling. there was a latter and at the top was were sarah did all her paintin. it was a quaint make shift studio with plants and a sky light. i was the last one up the latter and sarah was working on a water color. it was looking decent but i was ready to be out of the loft. im not a graceful person but im not completly clumsy. i put my butt on the ground and swung acrossed the latter to make my way down. once i had let go of the ground and was one hundred percent on the latter i realized that it was sliding. the steel latter that was propped against the wall was now sliding down it and i was plumitting to my death. because time was moving in slow motion i made eye contact with stephen as i tried to grip the dusty cement to no avail. i could tell he wanted to grab for me but i am glad he didnt as im sure the landing would have been worse had i pulled him over the edge. i think it took about thirty seven minutes to fall all the way to the ground. im not sure how i landed but i am sure that i fell. from my back all i could see was the cieling and stephen looking over the edge asking if i was ok. i scratched my finger and had a bruise on my shin that never looked like a bruise but was sore. i am not sure what makes a human sometimes able to survive falls and sometimes die from falls that shouldnt hurt them but i happen to be one of the lucky ones who came out of the whole deal with a scratch. looking up at stephen all i could think to do was laugh. i was real embarassed and wanted to leave as soon as we could. i guess that i am pretty lucky and i think that there were angels carrying me to the floor cause i wasnt hurt at all.

i hope you are happy that i have survived twenty five years. i am sure that i am happy you were there for parts of it. all of you.

its my birthday.

y to be

a glass can only spill what it contains...

2006-10-02T22:45:00.000-07:00

did i mention that i got a digital camera. i did and i like it a lot, it is a cannon 20d. this is a step in the direction of owning and operating my own portrait studio. wess howell gallery could be up and running as soon as a year or two. i have written down some goals and i am going to try and reach them in the next year. as things progress i will keep you updated. for now here is a portfolio of portraits from some recent jobs that i have done.

jayme layne:

Mandy and Tim:
engagement;

wedding;

Cassandra and Chris:

so if you need some pictures taken this is a sample of my work...

messes of men.

2006-09-27T16:03:00.000-07:00

monday night at work there was a lady who couldnt sleep so she came down to the lobby at 2 am and talked to me until 6 30 am. i was grateful for the conversation, it kept me awake. she was telling me that this had been the most trying summer of her life and that life was pretty tough at this point. i told her that life was tough and still beautiful and she agreed. her husband is a parapalegic and cant feel his legs at all from a work related accident. one of the things that had made the summer tough was related to this.

her and her husband had gotten a new dog, a jack russel terrier. she was nice and loved her husband more than anything. they had a cat but the dog made sure that ir got more attention and that it was held more so the cat got jealous (i dont like cats). the dog took naps with her husband and was always with him, she even slept in the room at night. one morning eileen was awakened by her husband. as she came to she realized he was sitting up and he told her not to panick. he was holding the dog who was covered in blood. she asked him what happened and he said the dog ate my toes.

i know that this was a serious story and her summer was hard but really all i could do was laugh.

she called an ambulance and he was taken to the hospital. they cleaned his wounds and later stitched them up.

it is encounters like these that make me think i should write a book. who meets someone who has their toes eaten off by their dog.

i been workin a lot lately and life is good.

Wouldn't you love to be On the cover of a magazine? Healthy skin, perfect teeth Designed to hide what lies beneath...

2006-08-28T00:34:00.000-07:00

weekend trip to pick up brittany! got to see my parents which was nice. they ordered pizza and made the most delicious country breakfast. friday we picked up brittany and after we ate we headed to brittany's grandparents house its pretty great to see how much her grandmother loves her it sorta makes me miss my grandmothers. a funny thing happened while we were there. dateline was on but the program ended and a new show came on. Las Vegas! yeah sin city is a good description of what was on tv. so it was akward but her gp's were just soaking all her stories in oblivious to what was on television. so i decided that i would text jeremy and so jayme and jeremy and i texted eachother funny messages while we tried not to cause to big of a scene. after that we wanted coffee. off to starbucks to meet up with one of jeremys old friends. she was pretty funny it was pouring so i ran into the rain to get the car. it was pouring but as i ran to get the car i realized that the handy cap ramp leading onto the sidewalk was big enough to fit the car on with no obstructions so i backed the car all the way up to the door. no one got wet but me. then to i hop to meet up with dustin who was probably the nicest guy i have met in a long time.

poor jeremy was kept awake by my snooring. i felt like a jerk. after breakfast we headed back but i wasnt ready fast enough and i made brittany miss her hair appointment. it was nice to see brittany again i sorta missed her this summer. we got home and things just got back to normal. how typical.

i felt life and love and hope infesting my bones...

2006-08-15T01:59:00.000-07:00

theme parks are hot and expensive and i dont remember them being particularly fun. today i went to a theme park in branson. it was pretty amazing. the day did not start off so hot, as we attempted to ride the wild cat i was reminded that the rest of the world is not biggie sized and so they do not make rides at parks for those of us who are. it was only a little embarassing to try to put the restraint down not make it and have to get off the ride. i think that the thought of just watching the group was ok with me but i didnt want them to worry that i was having fun so i hoped for better seating next time. i skipped the next ride cause it didnt look promissing and i was beggining to remember why i dont like theme parks. third ride was everyones favorite, the water ride. tallest people in the front so i was the tallest and in the front. no seatbelts which was a plus, some how i was the only person to get wet and i was soaked. it was fun and i thought that one out of three isnt all that bad. we road some other rides and i laughed my fool head off the rest of the night. i left thinking that it was probably the most fun i had had in quite some time.

maybe i do like theme parks and maybe i really love the people i work with. i lost at go karts and got soaked on the water ride but it was such a great day. on the way home becca was telling us about something i think about commuting and getting tickets and what do you know the lights behind us are blue and red. it was that oh crap not another ticket moment when she got a warning. that was amazing and i am happy she didnt get a ticket so that our night could end well. it was such a great day.

honesty is the best policy and i have never been so honest as i have been the past couple days with jeremy. good talks about life. landon is close second and i am thanking god for all of the friends he has sent me to look after me and care for me. i think i really do know the best people in the world.

and when we kissed it didnt feel poisonous...

2006-08-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

so i think that one of the things that bothers me most about life is when people see your stuff and decide that they deserve it more than you. and they take it. two hundred cds stolen from my truck in my driveway with 15 dollars form my wallet. ok im over it.

shot some pictures for jeremy. check out his myspace

www.myspace.com/jeremylarson

also shot a wedding and i think that the pictures turned out nice. on saturday i am supposed to shot some food which will be a first and i am not sure what to do or expect but it is something new and i hope to find some things to help me make some money on the side.

i feel like things are moving forward and that is nice.

the other night i was at a gas station and a gir was staring at me. i went into the restroom to make sure i wasnt being a typical fat kid with chocolate on my face or something so i checked things out and i was in ship shape. upon exiting the resroom she was still in the store still looking at me. she was pregnant and i smiled at her she smiled back and i bought some orange juice and left. i wish i would have talked to her cause as soon as i left she left, maybe she was hangin around hoping to talk to me. but i doubt it. i went to the gas station the next night around the same time hoping to run into her again but no such luck.

i only like to have crushes anyway its safer than a relationship. if she did want to date i would just get bored and not call. how do i know? thats what happens everytime. i dont get it.

waiting breathlessly for the hallelujah that may or may not follow...

2006-07-25T11:27:00.000-07:00

body piercing saved my life; inside the phenomenon of christian rock.
by andrew beaujon
i just finished this gem of a book and as soon as i could get to the library to blog about it i did so that all of you will go buy this book! it is a nonchristians view on christian music, unbiased and only feels a bit scathing because you realize that you have played a part or commited some of the attrocities mentioned in this book. andrew points out that music is like the city square of culture and so i really feel like there is more than just a music review here. this could also be because he talks about a couple chruchs and parachurch organizations.
i think that andrewcovers so many parts of christian music and really is interested in understanding it that you find yourself loving the people he loves and getting angry at the people who wont call him back or are rude to him. maybe the most cutting part of the book is at the end of the GMAs when david bazan is acosted by an angry fan who just needed to confront him about how his music was offensive. andrew says that he doent understand why if the guy is offended he just doesnt listen and tw walsh a member of bazans band says your not a christian.
i see so many things about this book that andrew nailed how christians are always on the defensive because we feel persecuted, which he replies that being called names and being made fun of hardly compare to being nailed to a tree, stoned, or burned at a stake. he also points out how this persecution brings out the war rhetoric which makes us ever ready to defend and fight no matter what the cost. i think there is a point to standing up for what you believe but sometimes i guess its just best to realize there are over 6 billion people in the world and we all think that our ideas and oinions are the best and right.
when i read the section on rock for life i cringed, i have never understood how holding a sign could change someones mind but in his book he tells about one of the guys who became pro-life because of a sign holder. i guess i just think offending people is probably the worst way to try and get them to agree with you.
what i think is amazing is that andrew at the end of the book when he is evaluating what he has taken from the experience talks about his world view and it seems that he might know a bit more about living like christ than a lot of people who attend church. he doesnt believe in God and he threw himself into this culture and he found positive things and he liked some aspects of it which is shocking and hard to figure out. i think though that this is because in one of the early chapters when he is talking to david bazan he says sometimes the only way to get past this culture is to become a little cynical.
go read this book most people who have read it that i know have finished it in two sittings at least. its an easy read and very entertaining.

also you should listen to margot and the nuclear so and so's, its amazing.

aristotle says i am a rational animal, i say i am an angel with an incredible capacity for beer...

2006-07-07T12:30:00.000-07:00

i listened to the first brendan manning cd today called healing our image of God and oursleves. i am glad that i listened to it alone because there were parts were i felt so relieved and happy that i almost wept. even in my attempt to learn more about justice peace and mercy i have still fallen short in comprehension of them. because i have seen them through the lens of humanity which is noble at best but falls very short of the Love of God which is perfect. these are more days to think about who i am and why i am a loveable person. it isnt cuase i am good it isnt cause God makes me good but it is only because God is good.

how will i ever stop worrying that i cant get things right and just feel loved. i think little by little and day by day. today i feel loved and liked by God i feel like he is good and it makes me good enough and i am happy with that. i need daily reminders of this cause i am sure that soon enough i will forget and i will be afraid of the god i have made God out to be.

you are the bluest light...

2006-07-06T10:56:00.000-07:00

in Gods reign everything belongs even the poor and broken parts. i hope one day that i realize fully that everything has its place. i began reading everything belongs again and it is perfect for where i am right now. i like this book a lot. i also am borrowing a 5 cd set from jeremy by brendan manning who wrote regamuffin gospel which i think you should read. life is going well.

last night all my teeth fell out like ivory typewriter keys

2006-07-01T11:19:00.000-07:00

life is wierd. thats what i said to landon last night and he said wierd how wierd good wierd bad and so i bet he gets bored reding this cause its just a recap of our conversation.

wierd good: i been thinking a lot lately and having good conversations even. this is good cause it feels like since i have been back in springfield that i havent been challenged or motivated to do this. what i have been thinking about is this. when we bec ome christians we are sinners after we get *saved* we are still sinners and so the christian life is just a series of repantance. how can this not drive you crazy. i love God but i am also a selfish person who loves himself more than most things. but i have come to the point where i am ok with this. (for now) as i struggle to find the faith to trust God that he will change me. im not sure how this works besides the simple fact that you focus on God and you are changed into his image. but this is not an overnight change so for the time being you must live with yourself, your aweful self. it has been ingrained in me to look at myself and to try to make things better. but i think about things like God doesnt desire sacrafice it isnt what makes him happy... he is glorified inmy weakness... why do i try to make myslef perfect it wont happen this way. my friend Tim and i talked about this and how the mystics always speak of selfforgetfullness and we are never able to transcend when our focus is on self and how bad we are. life is crazy wierd

crazy wierd: i was talking to this gurl and things were going ok she asked me to call her we were going to hang out, you know things were good. im not sure what happened well i mean i guess i know what happened but i didnt see it coming. monday i helped her move into her apartment and me and her ex-boyfrined helped and during this move she told me that she didnt know why she asked him to help cause all tehy did was fight and me personaly i thought he was a little on the annoying side but i guess he was a nice guy. anyway they got in a fight and she told him that she didnt want to talk to him anymore so i figured thats good atleast i wont have to worry that she is always talking to her ex... so she went to kansas city to do this drama thing at the church she interned at and when i went to see her at work thursday she told me that she was engaged. things dont ever go my way with ladies... oh well

i hope your life is crazy as well...

you really think that your in control, hahaha well bless your soul

2006-06-20T14:38:00.000-07:00

started working over nights again at the hotel so thats interesting. already met someone who is strung out on cocaine, first night back and it was a typical one. but both nights friends have come to see me and that has been amazing. i am pretty glad that no one sleeps these days.

the good thing about working all night is that i have time to write a few letters so if you are interested in recieving snail mail i will have time so lets be pen pals.

i ran into a friend from highschool yesterday and it was random cause she lives in ariznona and was driving home to kansas city. it is strange how your path crosses someone elses and it happens but there is only a small window of possibility and it happens. strange.

another thing that is strange is knowing when to be persistant and when to move on. its tougher than i thought it would be to make up my mind.

who do you who do you who do you think you are...

2006-06-16T10:43:00.000-07:00

two things that you should own...
first of all the book pilgrim at tinker creek by annie dillard amazing.
second gnarls barkly saint else where... this is probably one of my favorite albums of the year. i love it already.

some things that are no good.
helping this dude in his yard for 12 bucks an hour but then being sore for the next week until its time to help him again. its nice to make extra money though.

big plans for the next year...
first a trip to california in the fall to see nikki and for cattle call at brawley
second a trip to idaho to see landon and his senior art show
third ponderosa christian camp next june as a kitchen helper i am saving money so that i can do all of these. you should come with me if you want.

the lucky ones know exactly what i mean...

2006-06-14T09:49:00.000-07:00

i bought a new camera. a digital camera. cannon 20d and i love it. i wish that i could post some pictures for you. i found out that my computer is not fast enough to get the pictures from the camera. thats ok walmart is able to. so i took some pretty good shots of jayme that she sent to jeremy and her mother. i think that shooting digital has helped me to become a better photographer already. a couple weeks ago i went out to shoot with a friend who taught me how to use the digital settings on it and i am feeling a lot more comfortable with everything.

jeremy is in nashville recording his album and i miss that guy a lot. brittany is in california and i miss her also. summer is cool and i am enjoying myself.

i picked up a second job doing yard work for a guy a couple times a week and last week i dug him a trench using a pick axe for about 5 hours. back breaking work makes me tired and being tired feels pretty good sometimes.

picked up another job at the hotel where i will be working over nights on sundays and mondays. i hate third shift but i think that it will be ok.

i was kinda bored the other day so i road my razor scooter over to jaymes house turns out it was 4 miles away man that was quite a ride.

something glorious is about to happen...

2006-06-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

something

are you a dreamer...

2006-04-10T12:47:00.000-07:00

spring time! here come sunny days and flowering trees, trips to the lake and easter. in honor of easter i am posting some pictures of the easter bunny. we hung out last saturday we had a great time and made some new friends.

some one knocked on the easter bunnies door so she answered...

oh it was this kid! and all he wanted was a hug. we didnt ask his name and he didnt ask ours he just wanted to know that he was loved. so the easter bunny gave him a hug.

since the easter bunny was out she thought that she would enjoy the beautiful day.

sometimes the bunny just likes to lay in the grass and relax. she only works one day a year but she gets tired doing all the work she must do in that one day.

sometimes the bunny gets a little bit crazy and ends up partying a little too hard.

she likes to play instruments piano guitar you know whatever is laying around she is quite talented.

potty break!

she is also quite a player. arin loves him some easter bunny!

sometimes she gets so excited she just dances through the park.

here we have captured her deep in thought.

sometimes when you are at teh park you run into midevil warriars named chad who graciously let you borrow an axe so that they may fight you until the bitter end. good thing the easter bunny is a bad ass!!!

the last adventure we had was with julie who we met right before the easter bunny gave chad the axe. she told us that she liked to go on vacation so she didnt have any kids. she did however have 16 flamingos in her back yard. she asked to come over so we got into the car followed her to her house and took a picture with her flamingos while she went to get on something more colorful. she gave us her business card and asked us to come over again sometime.

she invited us into her house because we needed to see her bathroom. yess we agreed to follow a complete stranger into her bathroom yess it was amazing!!

life is strange in springfield! you never know who you will meet along the way, but you know that life will be interesting. come hang out.

eight light minutes...

2006-03-28T14:19:00.000-08:00

words cant say as much as the pictures so here is the explanation of the past week in pictures.

.

there was some good memories that happened through the week like the zoo and down town LA

megan lee i thought about you. apparently teh word is spreading cause they are french dipping in LA

lillian what an awesome 88 year old woman. this is good stuff!

You were sewn to the ground, so you cut the wires of lead. You swim against the tide, yet you drowned in the sky.

2006-03-28T10:15:00.000-08:00

so much to tell...
LA was fun and i will tell you a few high lights.
1. i got to see almost everyone from camp and some people from cbu and alyssa!!!
2. aaron was going to the bathroom in hollywood and someone using the urinal next to him took a picture of him while he was going to the bathroom. aaron said man no dinners and a movie. he also said i hope he was a talent scout or something. man my brother is a pretty funny guy.
3. i got my stomach patted by an 88 year old woman who then informed me i was well endowed. i guess when you get that old you can say anything that you feel like.
4. i went to see nikkis art show. it was soo good and i will show you some pictures soon. maybe later today!!! get excited
5. went to santa monica pier and saw ashes and snow by accident. what an amazing show. i absolutely loved it. go to the website www.ashesandsnow.com get lost in the dreams.

i sware that i was going to call and say i love you

2006-03-21T09:45:00.000-08:00

stole this picture from nikki.

maybe my favorite memory of my grandpa is when i was really tough and in third grade i was being a little obnoxious and so he told me that he was going to hog tie me. of course i knew that he was old and couldnt handle my 11 year old ferociousness so i kept going. too bad that i didnt know he was really a tough old guy (deffinately tougher than my 11 year old self)so he got out teh ducttape and hog tied me. i think maybe the best part of this story is that my sister was crying asking him to let me go. lots of good memories he was a good man and i am glad that i was named after him. i will miss him!

there is only forgiveness...

2006-03-14T15:50:00.000-08:00

what is the best thing you can do whenever your roommates real pretty girlfriend comes to town? well i guess first clean teh bathroom so she doesnt think we are complete slobs but second would probably be to go out with her while he is in class and take some pictures. so thats what i did this morning. critter has one of the coolest girlfriends ever so here is 23 pictures of her. enjoy.

this one is probably my favorite. i like the colors the best.

we started off the day at a bridge she saw as we were driving to the house to get my camera. commercial street railroad bridge.

next we went to the park behind the art museum which has a nice little theatre with some columns and a cement stage.

this is my second favorite cause she is laughing and it just looks fun (it was!)

we ended her tour of springfield at nathaniel green park. there is a nice fence there and i wanted to take pictures of her by the cement wall with benches by it.

this one is great i really like it a lot.

we had a good time. i am a lucky guy i have the best roommates and they have teh best girls. i think we should start a commune. wouldnt that be sweet.

some say jeanie she my downfall with the pills and alcohol...

2006-03-14T15:31:00.000-08:00

i have been searching for words since sunday to tell you about man man... i got to the show around 8 and andy zipf was playing. he sounded a little like damian rice, acoustic and good. after his set i got a drink looked around for someone i might know or maybe even a familiar face and randys wife notices me and says hi, what a nice lady! man man makes theri entrance wearing white. all white. white jeans white shirts white head bands. six people begin to sing as the rhodes please a nice little rhythm, the drummer is standing on his seat. all of of the guys i notice have drums, pots pans, toy horns... some sort of something or other to make noise. as they began to play i felt this smile come across my face as i mouthed the words *no way, this is amazing* this smile stayed through the entire show. i read a few books here and there and this year i finished reading on the road, as kerouack explains the bars downtown denver and the trumpet players and bands who just played and tehy felt the vibe of the whole audience and they just blew and blew... this is where i felt like i was in a club in teh 1950's jazy and insane. man man sounds a little like a disney movie, very theatrical and very energetic. i could see these guys as characters like kats or dogs playing instruments in an alley, i dont know these are some of the thoughts in my head as i heard them play the best live show i have seen in a long time. good job man man! i also bought their cd with quarters it was a totally awesome exchange as i poured quarters into the merch guys hand and he looked around akwardly for somewhere to place 11 dollars worth of quarters. i talked to the lead singer after the show and i told him that i loved the show he said yeah i saw you freakin out the whole night! what a cool guy!
this picture is from their site. www.wearemanman.com

she can sink me like titanic, make my blood spill to her shores

2006-03-11T12:00:00.000-08:00

amazing! downtown 1 30 bars close and force hundreds of drunks into the streets. i dont know why but this amazes me and i just stand on the corner and watch. last night as i stood on the corner i saw two people yelling. a black girl yelling at a skinny little white girl. next thing i know the black girl was punching the lil white girl in the face. i think that she is lucky she was drunk becuase she got hit pretty hard. as people tried to break them up a huge guy slammed a girl to the ground so hard. at this point about 10 cops came running and though im not sure how legal it is i saw a cop lay a dude out. ten cop cars sirens blaring three people in cuffs in the middle of the street and plenty of drunks watching and yelling. what a way to end the night.

jesus and mary what a great day...

2006-03-08T15:51:00.000-08:00

ok so my last post made me think about something that i just read in one of the books that i am reading. no it isnt about ska. but listen, i will start it with a story that i read. there was a rabbi who was on his donkey riding home after a long day of studying teh torah. he passed a man by the river who said *bless you rabbi*. the rabbi however didnot return the blessing he said raca (empty one, worthless one)is everyone in your village as ugly as you? the man responded to the rabbi *ask the maker why the vessel is built this way*. the rabbi immediately dismounted the donkey and asked the man for forgiveness. sometimes i think that people are just not as good as me or just not cool. mostly the people who arent like me. i guess that is life and i hope that i will see something divine in life and realize that it is whats inside and whos image that they are made in that makes them worth while.

went to kansas city with jeremy and jamey this weekend and it was pretty fun. we played a game where we quoted movies and tried to guess what movie it was from. then we decided when we got home we would watch high fidelity wich is awesome. i got a new job today i start the 28th and i am excited about that. more to come i am sure.

skankin in the pit!

2006-03-08T15:36:00.000-08:00

i am not afraid to admit that i spent the better part of my life thinking that ska was teh best kind of music ever. unfortunately all the anonymous comments are from people who are too scared to embrace how nerdy they are or were or whatever. so here is a list of my favorite ska albums how about a top 5!

top five ska albums that i ever owned and loved...

5. the slackers-better late than never!

4. mustard plug-evil doers beware!

3. link 80-killing katie

2. the siren six-voice with a built in promise

1. less than jake-losing streak

you know there are a lot more cool ska bands like hepcat, the toasters, voodoo glow skulls, blue meanies, kemuri, lots of cool traditonal stuff and for all the people who think that the mighty mighty bosstones were the only ska band ever than its obvious why you didnt like ska. i am just sayin that when i was in high school this is what i liked and this is what helped me to make it through. it also helped me to stop eating meat, to do sweet dance moves, and to realize music can be fun, stupid, serious, ska is sooo great. so when it comes back around for the 4th wave i am going to grab a long board head out to sea and say surfs up rude boy!!!

this post is dedicated to anonymous-prime...

your sisters bangs, she cut them herself...

2006-03-04T11:24:00.000-08:00

thursday night i went to see fun with dick and jane with my good friend melissa. we had a good time and it was a funny movie. i guess i felt a little stupid though cause i cant laugh quiet or normal or any of those things i have to have a loud abnoxious laugh.
friday night i saw the psalters. they are a crazy hippy band! also the outlaw sea. aaron plays the trumpet for them and i love it. they are not a ska band.

give me a chance to shine and ill blind the world...

2006-02-20T13:33:00.000-08:00

brittany anderson has been my best hang out friend this semester and i think i would be lost without her. i tried to capture how much joy she has for life in these pictures of her. i bet youll smile just looking at them.

these are at the overpass on sunset and kansas i love this over pass cause i think that it is kinda romantic, well as romantic as an over pass can be.

shes cute even when she is just walking

specially in the snow

jeremy says this is a senior portrait shot. i think its pretty nice though

ok so here are the best shots of the day atleast in my opinion.

5. brittany in front of founders park. i like the bars and i like her smile she almost fell.

4. i cut her head off on purpose so dont worry its just how i decided to crop the picture.

3. she was pretty cold cause it was 17 degrees outside and i asked her to wear a skirt. then i made her sit on some cold concrete. she made teh sacrafice though and i sure am glad she did.

2. speaking of sitting on teh cold concrete! how nice a peek over the shoulder.

1. seriously is she sweedish? maybe there is a can of hot cocoa that needs a cover girl a cute sweedish cover girl!

i started the roll when i was shooting some pictures of danielle so here theose are.

rock me momma like a wagon wheel...

2006-02-13T14:13:00.000-08:00

old crow medicine show might be one of the best albums you have or have not heard! i highly recomend them. they are a folk act, if you wondered what music was like in the 40's amd 50's this would be it. it is not bluegrass though bluegrass was born out of traditional folk so you might think it sounds a little blue grassy.

i started readin searching for God knows what, which was an amazing gift from my sister for my birthday, it is pretty good so far. it is much more personal than blue like jazz and it has mostly been about our view of God and how that also effects the way that we live our lives. it has been mostly about how we were made to be relational as an explenation of why we look for validation in any and every thing.

i suppose that the reason this hit me so hard this morning is that probably my biggest struggle in life has been feeling like what i really need is a relationship. the advice that i have recieved was that i should just be patient or nor think about it or realize that God is enough. as don miller works through genesis there is something he points out that adresses this dilema in my life. the only person who has ever had a perfect relationship with God was lonely. adam was lonely according to scripture. so what did God do... he paraded the animals in front of adam and required him to name them. after this realizeng that he couldnt speak with the animals swing through the trees with the monkeys, swim with the fish God let him fall asleep as he pondered this and he made him someone to take away that loneliness. this says a lot about who we were created to be and what we were created to do. so i would like you to know that the worries i have had that i am not a good christian because i did not find wholeness in christ and i long for a relationship has been relieved. there is balance though and i know that i will not find completion in a relationship but its nice to know that these longings are who christ created me to be.

and when the sun goes down you know where ill be found dancing out in the streets...

2006-02-08T18:48:00.000-08:00

when i look into my deepest wounds i see your glory and it dazzles me...

The anteater waits for the bus He's waiting for his mom

2006-02-07T11:15:00.000-08:00

life is busy. i have been working at the tax place and apparently everyone wants to do their taxes. school is school and blah...

nikon d200 you are on my mind and soon very soon i will be with you. you and me will be freinds for life. i also dream of you power book. what a team we will be. world domination!!

had lunch today with my pastor at pappys! first of all i love love love pappys because it is the best pulled pork sandwhich in town. maybe even the best pulled pork in missouri. if you are here or you plan on being here sometime please go to pappys with me.

second pastor kevin i cant even get enough of this guy! good conversation, honesty about where we are as believers and where he is as a person/pastor/husband. i like that he is able to be conversant about things that i think about, and that i am concerned about. i am glad that he is my pastor and that he is interested in my life. thank you God for leading me to christ community i feel like i experience you there.

sorry that i dont use good grammer/punctuation/capitalization, i hope these words arent hard for you to read...

... im almost there its on the tip of my tongue and it never goes away...

2006-01-30T18:48:00.000-08:00

my sister is coming tomorrow and i am pretty excited to see her. i have also decided that i am not going to persue work at a church but i am going to persue work as a portrait artist and i am going to try and open my own studio in the next 3 years. there is a lot of things in my life that i am not sure about but i finally decided that i have to chase what makes my heart flutter and that is photography specifically of people.

God has been showing me so much these past few weeks mostly about how i am looking at people. Grace is amazing and when God shows it he completly shows it. i am thinking of the prodigal son, the woman at the well, and the parable of the 11th hour. and this is how they come together. God doesnt ask us where we have been or if we are really sincere about coming home. he doesnt make sure that we know what we did was wrong he falls on us kisses our heads and tells us that there is going to be a celebration because we have returned, for whatever reason, to his grace. the woman at the well had been married 5 times and was living in sin but christ tells her to tell everyone that she knows about him. yess lets worship in spirit and in truth not on the baptist mountain or the charasmatic mountain lets just worship God and when we find our loving saviour, or he finds us, then no matter how bad we are in it he wants us to go and tell of the love he has shown. and lastly the parable of the 11th hour is that his grace in all our lives are equal and amazing and we shouldnt get all bent out of shape that our road was harder or we worked more for his grace becuase it was everything we needed.

thank you God for opening my eyes you are my shelter and the lifter of my head.

what doesnt kill me writes the songs that drives you far from me...

2006-01-24T13:46:00.000-08:00

i wish that i could find the words to tell you that you have changed and that i see amazing things happening in you. i understnad and i also feel like life wouldnt be worth too much if we were unable to change but we can and we do and like the tide we ebb and flow, ever growing and relapsing moving forward and backward becoming more like christ and falling flat on our faces. you are 24 so dont give up becuase there is a whole life of battles for you to fight and you will win some and loose some but i think its a little early in the game to give up on life. you have been good to me and i would do anything to encourage you.

guilty pleasure...

2006-01-23T10:12:00.000-08:00

jasen tags aaron and aaron tags me. 5 guilty pleasures,

5. books, this is a guilty pleasure becuase i buy more than i can read. i own a lot of books and i want more and more and more.

4. girls, really what i mean by this is that i love girls about %75 of them there is something amazing about. God really knew what he was doing when he made women.

3. justin timberlake, honestly this guy could be the next king of pop, he needs to get his act togehter and put out a new album cause usher is killing him.

2. southern california, how do i get there and could i hack it there and do i really want to be there or just out of here. i like the slow pace life.

1. photography, i really want to be a photographer i think that the more i think about it the more i really think that i am going to school to do it. this is a guilty pleasure because i am torn between full time church work and photography, i know they could somehow work together i just need to figure out how.

so i there are my 5 guilty pleasures and i know that you are really shocked by all of them and i really revealed a lot of secret things to you...

so i tag kyle smith because i know that he has a lot of juicy secrets that we all want to hear... if you dont know him but want to find out his dirty little secrets then check him out on my links he is under muffins (its a joke... no really a joke)

Cause I've got a dream for us Running threw my mind Sitting on the beach Looking at the sea

2006-01-21T15:55:00.000-08:00

so its been two weeks since i met crystal. well i wouldnt say that i met her, she is the girl who i talked with at the belmonte who told me that she loved me two weeks ago. well i saw her again last night and i asked her if we could hang out sometime. she gave me her number but with a warning. she said that she was having some torubles with her emotions and that she wasnt sure how much she could hang out becuase she wanted to be loved sooo bad. there was a part of me that wanted to tell her that i have a lot of trouble with my emotions cause i would love to be in love or feel loved and there isnt much of that happening right now in my life. i tried to call her tonight to see what she was up to but she wasnt home.

i hung out with marie last night, we went and saw danica at the belmonte. jeremys little brother is the drummer for this band. they were decent but it was real smokey and i got a head ache. there was a bunch of people that i saw there and i talked to them a little and it was loud and i didnt want to be rude so i tried to introduce marie but it was just akward and wierd. so then we went to emack and bolios and had some ice cream and as we were ordering the guy asked us if it was together or seperate and i said seperate but felt like an idiot. man i really didnt do so hot last night. i mean i asked her to go out and then i made her meet a bunch of people and then didnt buy her icecream. jeezy lou weezy i am an idiot. i guess it just came down to the line and i had to decide whether it was more akward to let the girl pay or to say i would like to pay for her and have her argue. i think i went with i feel less stuped letting her pay for herself cause i would rather be ok with the stranger than make everyone feel akward. next time i will just pay for her i guess.

had some pappys today and i am pretty sure they have the best pulled pork in town! if you are in springfield or you come and visit me than we should eat at pappys. school starts in two days and i am not excited...

if you start wtihout me, say my name as you begin...

2006-01-20T15:50:00.000-08:00

i have been going to panera in the mornings before i go to work becuase i like bagels coffee and linda! linda is this old woman who works at panera and lest semester i went in there every day and got to know her. we decided this week that we were going to fly to hawaii after i graduate and just spend the rest of our lives in paradise. she is fun and is for sure one of the main reasons why i love panera! i mean even if the service sucked i would probably go there cause i like the food and stuff. but she is great.

i enrolled at the bbc and already have been told to shave cut my hair and take out my earings. i cant wait for the next four months to we over. though i am a bit nervouse about what is going to happen after wards.

today i met this nice lady at panera whose name is gina. she was so nice and she called me a doll. that made me feel real nice. at first i thought she might be flirting a little but then we talked about her boyfriend and life. i think she was just bored at work and i was being a chatty cathy. anyway life is good and i look forward to a semester of getting to know the panera ladies!

think back on a better time, like watching water in a rising tide

2006-01-19T12:37:00.000-08:00

last night i was eating dinner at wendys because they have a nice dollar menu. the woman who took my order took a break and sat by me. i was reading *a new kind of christian*, which my sister got me for christmas, and yvonne the woman who was sitting across form me asked what i was reading. i told her the title and as soon as she heard the word christian she began to brighten up. she said you know what i am tired of i am tired of the freaks having all the rights. no body ever better tell my kid she came from a monkey.. if someone at her school ever tells her that i am going to own the springfield public school district you remember my face cause ill be raising hell. i think that it is rather curious that the thoughts and attitudes of springfield christians are the ones that should be changing. who knew...

so you wont forget this voice inside my head...

2006-01-16T15:49:00.000-08:00

yeah this must be your lucky day cause here comes some more pictures!!! some from saturday with danielle and some from jeremy and jayme layne. i like these a lot and i hope that you enjoy them also...

these are from jaymes band the social, this is from the hardcore show that i went to on saturday night which was by the way amazing!! ok well it wasnt amazing and mostly it just makes me wonder why hardcore is so popular right now but you know it was a show and the social played, which by the way is not hardcore and was in the middle of the show. hummm i dont get it.

here are some more shots of me and danielle well what i really ment was here are some shots of danielle that i took. and a picture of my house. or jeremys house where i will live.

waiting on the bus maybe?

these last two are my favorite shots that i have taken in a while and make me want to be a portrait photographer more and more. so if i keep this up who knows what the future looks like.

and the best for last i thinhk...

ive seen chrsitmas lights reflect in your eyes...

2006-01-16T15:14:00.000-08:00

like i said saturday was fun here are teh pictures to prove it. i sorta want to get a nice little digital point and shoot cause this was way fun!

who knew holding a camera and takin gpictures of your self could fill up an entire day with fun! i bet that you are all jealous and you wish that you could come and take pictures with me also. ok you can if you want. ill just be here waiting.

theres a thousand sparrows falling in a thousand shades of black...

2006-01-16T12:17:00.000-08:00

yesterday pastor kevin talked about one of my favorite passages though it was from luke and i preffer matthew. woes to the pharisees... woes to me... and springfield is getting to me. though last night was probably one of the best nights i have had in a long time... brew co with some friends... made fun of the people on mtv made... bonfire with some friends... blowing up cans of beans in the fire... kaleb getting chilli all over the hood of his truck... talk to freddie about life and girls... sleep at 3... looking for love in all the wrong places.

i once knew a girl in the years of my youth...

2006-01-11T11:44:00.000-08:00

i have been thinking about the message that pastor kevin preached on sunday. the first sunday he spoke about being poured out like a drink offering and last sunday he talked about he lamps of our eyes. the drink offering has to do with being entirely consumed and used for G-d by G-d and the lamp has to do with letting G-d have access into all the parts of your life. and i know those dark parts of myself like the back of my hand. and i have been thinking about my desire to be honest and to live a life of brokenness before G-d searching for wholeness, this can only be accomplished through honesty about my dark parts. why am i so scared to be transparent, why do i think that it would be terrible if people knew i was as messed up as i know that i am or as they know that they are. maybe grace means less to us because we like to think that we are already perfect, maybe it would begin to look more right and more amazing if we let it be what it reallys is or if we looked at ourselves as we really are. maybe this is what my boy james was talking about when he said that if we hear teh word but it doesnt change us we are like the person who looks in teh mirror and forgets what they look like. so for this year i am setting out to take a long hard look at myself and explore the depths of my darkness and pray that as i find the deep dark places christ comes with me and brings light to them. so that the light of the world becomes a light fully shining inside of me.

i think that i have found a new church and i am very happy about that.

its living proof that people need to be together...

2006-01-09T08:30:00.000-08:00

dont be drunk with wine but be filled with the spririt... and this weekend i feel as if i have seen this played out for me twice, i dunno maybe one time wasnt good enough to get it. i will just tell you saturday night i hung out with some drunk people and it wasnt very fun, in fact it broke my heart. sunday morning at christ community we took communion and it was good to think about christ and his shead blood and how it makes me whole, brings restoration to all parts of my life. fast forward to sunday night at second baptist cause christ community doesnt have sunday night service and again we are taking communion and i thought about how i like that fact that catholics take communion every service and i wouldnt mind doing it that way. aftyer church i met up with kaleb at the springfield brew co. and we had a beer and some pizza. there were also a bunch of guys there playing pool so i hung out with them also, kaleb does like to get to bed early. so we were just hangin out with the boys and adam goes and talks to these girls who come over and shoot some pool with us. i heard adam say that he was from drury and since he doesnt go to college i thought that was kinda wierd. the girls ended up talkin with some of the other guys and kevin told them he was from bbc im proud of cali kev telling them the truth. i told them i was from bbc also and that most of these guys have girlfriends and they are jerks and would still try to hook up. they had been drinking and i thought i was having a really honest day so i just spilled the beans. the guys with girlfriends didnt care, im not sure they would have told but they didnt care, except adam he still got the girls number though, what a bastard. so dont be drunk with wine but be filled with the spirit... i like it when things make sense, when i can see examples of all of this working out in my life.

look beneath the floor boards for the secrets i have hid...

2006-01-07T12:47:00.000-08:00

6 years in this town and still on friday night i end up alone waiting for someone who wants to hang out. waiting for someone to get off work and say that they would love to spend time with me. waiting isnt my thing so i settle for downtown i suppose in my mind the second best thing to being with someone who wants to be with you is being around a lot of people you dont know. getting lost in the crowd and feeling like you are part of something bigger than yourself. i drove past the belmonte building to make sure that it was open before i parked and it was so i drove around the square and parked on teh street. its not that i am self conscious but i walked all the way through the building to the bathroom and skoped the place out as i walked through the crowd looking for someone i know, mostly jeremy, but he wasnt there. i found a few familiar faces and after i said hi i just leaned against the column in the middle of the building and watched the band play. i looked back every few minutes to see if anyone i knew had come in and there was a girl sitting next to my friend mckenzie and i made eye contact with her once and she waved so i waved back and racked my brain, who is this how have i forgotten her, when did i meet her, why cant i remember anything these days. after a lot more looking over the shoulder at the door she got up and talked to me between bands. she was so nice and very attractive and she knew some things about me but i was still drawing a blank. i wasnt worried or anything i just kept talkin to her, she looked at me like it mattered what i said. another band was getting ready to start, before she sat down she gave me a hug. i thought since i couldnt remember her that i would just go for the generic short hug but i loosened my arms and she didnt let go. i felt like i was losing my breathand i couldnt breath and she says with her face close to my ear that she loves me. i would like to blame all the smoke from the scensters and their pipes on my eyes getting a little teary but those words resonated in my lonely little heart and i almost lost it. i swore that i heard music and i sware that it was death cab " youll be love youll be loved like you never have known..." and everything seemed right. suddenly i didnt feel alone this girl had some how gotten into my heart and i think that she might have know all the secrets i have ever kept and a burden was lifted off o fmy shoulders even if it was only for a minute. that burden then tranformed into weight and it was heavy on my heart as i havent stoped thinking of that moment since it happened. im not sure if i will talk to this girl ever again but i hope that she knows in some way she brought love into my life and i dont think that i will forget it.

is this love of ours alive....

2006-01-06T15:59:00.000-08:00

back in springfield. back to work. found a job fast but i must admit that i am feeling a little guilty about it. i work at a place that does tax returns for people who want their money but dont have their w-2's yet. its basically a hi interest loan so are we helping the people by giving them their money faster? or are we just helping them repeat thier cycle of failure. the more i think about injustice and how much God hates it the more i wonder if this is the place for me. after all %200 apr on loans isnt so great. i guess the poor get poorer and teh rich get richer.

i think that sunday i am going to go back to christ community church. i started interviewing with the church in brawley. so thats pretty exciting. although having to answer a million questions about what i think and how i am going to change the world isnt my favorite thing. i guess that it is necessary though since i want to work at a church.

though you hit me hard i come back...

2005-12-28T21:30:00.000-08:00

stength is an interesting concept. you see i had a conversation tonight with a friend and like most christians she thinks that she should distance herself from those who might be considered bad influences. i dont disrespect her for choosing to live life and be around good influences, i like to be around people who encourage me also, but i guess sometimes i wonder who are we supposed to encourage if we only try to be around those who encourage us. strength was the topic because i said that i like to be around people who arent christian or religioous. and i think that i can think about those relationships without being discouraged or *brought down*. i dont think that i am stronger or more capable of avoiding sin or struggle but i think that we are able to have relationships that we are teh stronger person in. i think that this is the beauty of being a christian the fact that we can rely on christ to be our strength and our center. also my sister said something that was in an unrelated conversation and it stuck with me and i think that it was perfect for this conversation i just didnt make the conection until now. she said that at teh greek orthodox church the greet eachother and think of eachother as icons. (icons are the pictures of the saints. they think of people as icons becuase we are created in teh image of God. i like that idea and i think that i love you becuase i can see something divine in you.) its tough to be home and i am ready to leave though i love my family i am ready to miss them. i guess the grass is always greener. just som thoughts.

through my yellow country teeth...

2005-12-23T22:04:00.000-08:00

somethings you just never forget you know like friends so here are some pictures of friends i wont ever forget.

jeremy came to play in williston and it was pretty awesome i took a few pictures so here is the results of our photo shoot.

one last photo from me to you thats right merry christmas sometimes big things come in small packages

i was born a unicorn

2005-12-19T23:51:00.000-08:00

so long williston, im not sure if i will ever return but there are plenty of memories in my mind. and i documented the whole experience with pictures that i will be putting into an album. goodbyes in cowboy country are kinda wierd a handshake and a wave thats about it. i think that i have accomplished what i wanted to accomplish in my time as the youth intern and i have learned more than i could have ever been prepared to learn. life has been good to me and the memories are sweet. there are some good people in williston and i am glad that they became my friends.

megan lee you are amazing and i am so glad that you have been my friend. i will miss the car rides and talks and south side come and go. let me know how the jolt time capsels are coming.

zack your heart must be huge since only half of it works and you are so loving. thanks for the warm basement. i think of all the places i will miss in williston that is going to be on top of the list.

tisha its ok if you cried a little when i left you are a good friend and i am glad that we could hang out, in the costume isle or wherever you know.

landon thanks for all the good talks and things to think about. i look forward to your next art show.

it was a good 7 months and now i am heading back to teh dirty south. got to bismark tonight around 11 and had some new castle with landon and nate. man that made me pretty tired. i will finish the trip home tomorrow and i have some pictures to post but they are packed away right now so soon and very soon i will post them. i am going to sleep i have a lot in my mind.

son, i loved you at your darkest

2005-12-13T09:43:00.000-08:00

what an incredible weekend. i finished christmas shopping for all of my williston friends while i was in minot because they have a mall. picked jeremy up from the airport and was pretty happy for the next 48 hours just to get to hang out with someone who knows me and has more than 6 months of history with me. he played saturday night for me and about 30 friends. it was so cool i like when he does acoustic shows. then sunday morning we had youth emphasissunday at church and so since i was incharge i thought we should do things a little differently. we started out with a soloist and a time of reflection before we started the service, but even before that we had a time of silence to prepare our hearts for worship, thanks landon for the suggestion it went well i think. then our youth band played 3 songs and again since i was in charge i spoke to the congregation and that went very well. well until what i was talking about became so real and overwhelming to me at the end i almost cried. i think that the best think about being a believer is that Gods grace is so amazing. so overwhelming and constant. and i would like to think i am learn that my life as a train wreck only begets forgiveness from God. then mexican with the tongs(the family i live with) and then back to minot to drop off jeremy.

o come, o come, emanuel

2005-12-09T01:05:00.000-08:00

ok i need to confess that tonight as i sat at dinner with a very nice girl one of the only things i could think about was how much i am not a huge christmas music person. i mean occasionally like christmas eve service communal worship christmas songs i can handle but 24/7 christmas music is no good! ok unless it is with my sister and its alabama christmas which includes such hits and thistle hair the christmas bear, christmas in the carribean, and so much more. that i can handle and there is now one more christmas album that i can handle ... no its not the birght eyes christmas album though i do kinda like that one it is none other than mr. sufjan stevens and its free you just gotta download it. yeah here is a link to the site where Landon sent me

http://cawley.typepad.com/blog/2005/08/sufjan_stevens__1.html

listened to a few songs and it pretty much hits the spot.

one day it just snowed i guess

2005-12-05T22:53:00.000-08:00

One day it just snowed I guess
and they closed the roads into your heart.
You came home like a dead star
no light left, no loving anymore.

Years ago you sent a postcard,
it's the one that always made me laugh.
It said "Send for reinforcements cause theres too much here for me to love".

What would they say,
What would they say to make you feel O.K.
What would they do,
What would they do to make you feel O.K.

Years ago I read a story
about a man who had a plan.
Tied himself on to a balloon,
yeah, cut the ties and tried to reach the moon.

Rescued by an airline pilot
15,000 feet above the world.
Dragged him down, they wished him luck
they'd hoped that he learned his lesson well.

What would they say,
What would they say to make him feel O.K.
What would they do,
What would they do to make him feel O.K.

Kathy I can still see stars
the same ones that we wished upon.
I know you know your way around,
but I can tell you're losing ground.

I can see you on the radar,
but you know I could never bring you back.
You cut the ties, you're floating free yeah, hi and lo and inbetween,
you cut the ties, you're floating free yeah, hi and lo and inbetween.

kathy i can still see stars, the ones used to wish upon

2005-12-04T11:46:00.000-08:00

change change change it keeps coming and never stops and i would say that all this change is making me feel a little sentimental. i am leaving williston in two weeks, christmas is coming in three weeks, i am heading back to springfield in four weeks and then leaving springfield possibly in 5 months. i want to spend time with everyperson that i know. i want to sit for hours and talk. i am ready to see my family and sorry that the next two weeks my be all the time i have left to see the friends i have made over the past 7 months. i think about coming back or heading to socal in the summer and it is a good feeling to think that soon and very soon i could be movnig into a carreer. there is also fear when i think about committing to one place is it possible to like somewhere and be content enough to stay. change change change here i go blazing through the next month trying to get used to wherever i am. so please if im close to you spend time with me becuase i want to spend time with you. i want to be around you and i will probably hug you a lot.

14 pictures of the last month

2005-11-28T23:27:00.000-08:00

what have i been doing the past month? well i will tell you i went to circle montana but i told you that so here are some pictures of the side of the road anyway.

on my birthday well two days after went to see birght eyes stopped in new salem and took some pictures of this heffer. man this thing is wierd and gross note picture number 3 for the gross part.

went to see landons art show and that was nice it was good to get away.

ate some dinner hung out with kelsey she loves people and she loves animals a lot she i a vegan. i respect her a lot.

it got kinda foggy but it was nice i like the DQ lights in the picture best. just kidding i wish that it was just scenery and no artificial intelligance.

ride home was nice...

make a list of things you need, leave it empty except for number one write love!

2005-11-27T22:14:00.000-08:00

who is richard rohr? well i saw this dvd called crisis of faith which he put together that i thought was amazing and i want to get. also i started reading abook by him called everything belongs. i think it will be one of those books that i want to highlight the entire thing but here is a little snip-it from the first parts of the book...

*how do you make attractive that which is not?
how do you sell emptiness, vulnerability, and nonsuccess?
how do you talk descent when everything is about ascent?
how can you possibly market letting-go in a capitalist sulture?
how do you present jesus to a promethean mind?
how do you talk about dying to a church trying to appear perfect?

this is not going to work...*

*i watch how foolishly man gaurds his nothing - thereby keeping us out. Truly, God is hated here.*

*First there is the fall and then there is the recovery from the fall. but both are the mercy of GOd.*

i think this is going to be a book that i really like. it is about prayer, the kind where you are able to transcend life and see everything in christ. i am excited about reading this and about 30 other books i have started and not finished.

ill follow you into the dark...

2005-11-24T09:43:00.000-08:00

thanksgiving, 1000 miles away from my parents and it feels like 1000 miles away from family tradition. there will be nothing that i am used to this thanksgiving, not food not people not anything really. i was thinking about one day having my own family and how it will be to try and balance the give and take of family tradition. to know how uncomfortable it is not to do things the way we always have but to have the joy of making my own traditions.

had an interesting talk with landon in the movie store yesterday. he didnt like walk the line but i really liked it a lot. i am torn though. how is it that we champion this as an amazing love story, johnny cash found true love in june carter but it was after he was married. so i hate this story cause i believe in love and i hope one day to find it. this movie plays on my emotions of finding true love but i never want to sacrafice current love for *true love* this movie propetuates the idea that infedelity is ok as long as it is for true love. the paradox of life things that amuse me and disgust me at the same time. it was a nice movie though.

just stay...

2005-11-20T23:04:00.000-08:00

home from moscow! the trip was amazing and i should say that i got more culture in 5 days of moscow than i have in 5 months of northdakota. i went to 4 or 5 art galleries, met some great people had some great food including a pannini at a bakery, some tacos from a mexican resaurant, a greek calzone from an italian place, pizza from pappa johns!!! and breakfast at teh breakfast club! man so much good things happening in moscow. had a great time with landon and darci and am going to post some pictures up as soon as i get them developed. its 1 and i have been on the road all day so im out like a fat kid in dodge ball!!!

theres this dresm in my brain that just wont go away...

2005-11-10T21:51:00.000-08:00

Fargo rock city! well it was nice to get out of williston. i mean it was nice to just do something fun and hang out with fun people. i went and saw bright eyes on wednesday and its was soo awesome! seriously he was so good live. i have seen him before but he was so drunk off of the bottle of wine he was chugga-luggin that he fell off his seat. fargo was different he wasnt drunk or did not appear to be drunk. he played some great songs and i was pretty surprised that he played a lot of stuff from fevers and mirrors. he even started off the show with sunrise and sunsets. there was a lot of great stuff like the lady who played the harp it was a very nice sound. also the trumpetier, it was very emo trumpeting, very good also. but my best thing had to be how happy the drummer, bass player, and guitarist were. they looked like they were having so much fun jamming up there. you know how they look at eachother and smile cause they love a certain part of a song or some thing makes them see eachother and smile its so great. it made me smile like a big 5 year old. man the last song was the best part of the show though i think the name of it was, lets not sh*t ourselves. so great and willy *nelson* mason who played first and was really great also played the harmoinica (this made me think of bri) it was an amazing ending to an amazing show and i think it was great... go see bright eyes!

thats the way i like yeah thats the way i like it...

2005-11-07T21:11:00.000-08:00

i started reading letters to a young poet by rainer maria rilke and he is talking baout going into yourself and finding what you find enteresting about life and how to create art it must be personal and it must be enteresting to you and i was thinking about the things in life that i am passionate about and why i want to so them. i was taken back to a conversation i had once in the middle of wal*mart with jeremy about how i feel like there is so much inside of me that i want to give to my youth group kids that i just dont know how to communicate. so much love and so much joy that it is hard to express without sounding like an over emotional idiot or super cheese. but the passion is there and it is in me begging to coem out so i must figure out how to get them to fall in love with what i have loved and see the awe in life as i see it. i hope that i can share this vision with you as well. life is so beautiful and there is so much that makes it worth while. i hope that you can see the potential for joy and wholeness in a broken world that you can see that there is so much love and it heals all the pain. i love life and i hope that i can share that love with you all.

down in denver down in denver all i did was die...

2005-11-06T20:06:00.000-08:00

my last two hours of 23 and as i refelct on the past year on this my birthday eve i am amazed as usual by the grace of God. i think about how many times i was ready to give up on God and church and life and just walk away and live for myself. i think about my exodus of springfield which much like egypt i thought it would be better to be a slave there than to go somewhere things were unsure. i think about how i could possibly end up living in north dakota and how i am still single here but some how ok with it. more okay with it than i ever have been. i think about how i am finally starting to feel like an adult and how i think i am ready to take on those responsibilities. i am getting comfortable in my skin and who i am and i like me. so here is to twenty four and all she has in store, i look forward to her and anticipate the reflection the same time next year.

i wish i was an astronaut...

2005-11-02T22:13:00.000-08:00

finding rhythm in life sometimes seems like an impossible task. but it is one we have been given. i watched the 11th nooma video entitled rhythm last night and i am sure that i almost cried. it was just perfect. it was beautiful and meaningful and something i needed to hear. i will post some quotes for you now.

*if God can help people find things on sale, then why doesnt God spend time on things that seem more important like earthquakes, or famines, or sickness?*

* for many people their concept of God is built around a God who is outside of everything, a God who essentially is somewhere else, a God who made the world but then stands back and watches it from this other vantage point, a God who's there, and then from time to time comes here.*

*when i think of God i hear a song*

*jesus is like God in taking on flesh and blood, and so in his generousity in his compassion thats what god's like. in his telling the truth, thats what God's like. in his love, and forgiveness and sacrafice thats what God's like. thats who God is. thats how the song goes.*

*the song is playing all around us all the time, the song is playing everywhere, it's written on our hearts, and everybody is playing the song. see the question isn't whether or not you;re playing a song the question is, are you in tune?*

*there are people who talk as if they know everything about being a christian and yet they can seem way out of tune. and then there are others who would say they dont know much at all about the christian faith and yet they can seem very in tune with the song.*

*maybe you have this sense like you have no sort of relationship with God because of all these things, these ideas you have about what that means all these things that you've been told about what it is or what it isn't and an infinite, massive, kind of invisible God, thats hard to get our minds around, but truth love, grace mercy, justice, compassion-the way that jesus lived i can see that. i can understand that. i can relate to that. i can play that song.*

*may you come to see that the song is written on your heart and as you live in tune with the song, in tune with the creator of the universe, may you realize that you ARE in relationship with the living God.*

happy halloweenie!

2005-10-31T19:49:00.000-08:00

williston north dakota like most places celebrates halloween and i live on *snob hill* which means that live in an area of town where the houses cost more than 60,000 and this means that we are snobs. tonight there was over 400 people who came to our door and asked for candy. there were people from a town an hour away who came to our neighborhood to ask for candy. this is amazing. i mean its like the whole town and people form out of town come to the 5 block are of williston and trick or treat. i think this is just a sign of how lazy kids are getting!!

i know that its two months away but im not looking forward to leaving williston. i guess mostly cause i finally feel like springfield has nothing to offer me. but i will just go finish school and then come back to williston and work maybe. its strange that i feel like i have found somewhere that i can fit in a work. i have hope for the church for the universal church for the whole bride of christ because i see the potential here. i have hope for the church that they will be effective in the community and that we will be able to show the love of christ to people who need that love. i feel like i have purpose here.

i guess i need to turn in my resume. life is good.

i got hate runnin through my veins...

2005-10-27T15:15:00.000-07:00

man rocky you sure can be emo sometimes! ok most of the time. if you have never heard rocky votaloto you should stop reading this go to amazon and order suicide medicine. its the best album you will buy this year.

sometimes i wonder if i am more afraid of failure or success. but either way i am applying for two jobs and i woulnt mind either one. maybe what i am really scared of is being locked in somewhere. sometimes i feel like being so care free and just not having any responisibillity i feel like the most selfsih person ever but i think that most people are a little worried about getting old and i think that its cause we see all the people who are older than us working places they hate and living lives they hate and we just want to avoid that as long as possible because we are affraid in the end that this is enevitable. and while i am affraid that i might end up in some sort of situation that i am not the happiest with i know i love people and working with youth so i am going to pursue this and be happy! i need to get everything together and in the mail while i still feel this way!!!

hurricane, whats her name, oh i already miss you...

2005-10-25T15:16:00.000-07:00

pictures pictures pictures!!! so these are from around town and stuff i think there are a couple good ones in here. hope you enjoy!

went out with latisha and took these pictures at night.

the skate park where i graciously feel and smashed my head with my 5 pound camera! it was awesome.

more skate park and close calls on faling...

the title of this picture is leaf me alone! haha im an idiot

i admit it i used to listen to ska and less than jake was an amazing band so the title of this series is a boring life in a boring town... you used to like ska too im sure!

6 o'clock main street williston north dakota???

where did brandon go?

oh there he is...

guess matt is going to lay down also...

aaron this picture is for you mostly cause when i think of snow i think of you on the manning the plow! so it snowed 8 inches here october 5th but we have had a very nice fall after that.

this is my favorite picture on the roll cause i love ids and how funny they are. i thought it was funny also that this kid looks like hes got 3 arms and latisha is giving us a nice show here. yeah she brought the crack to the homecoming parade!

it is true right is gone she is buried there with wrong they are 6 feet under ground you can kiss them good bye cause we buried them alive...

2005-10-22T15:02:00.000-07:00

i went to circle montana this weekend and i had a good time. i was a bible study leader. there were some things i liked like getting to share my thoughts with the kids and getting to know some new people. i also like that we did missions in the community by colleting food clothes and raking old peoples yards. there was some neat things that were going on there. there were some other things that i just am not quite sure about. and i thought that i was getting a lot less synical but still when i am in church there is something inside of me that wants to scream and say that isnt true or thats not really the way that i think. but it wasnt my place to do that this weekend.

kyle: oh man you kill me cause i was just getting used to thinking that i should come here and that i shouldnt even think about socal anymore and you say that kinda stuff to me. jeez what am i supposed to do now. ok well i will call you and talk to you about this.

alyssa: at first i was a little confused cause i think i flipped that little jerk off about every single days so thank goodness you clarified it as the day we went and took pictures. i was thinking about what picture i should give you and i am just not sure but one day you will get a wess howell original.

i have to make a resume and turn it into the church and then i also have to answer 5 questions i am sure that i will post them on here when i get them maybe i will also post my answers. i dunno. i guess well see what happens. maybe i will know what they think before i leave for school.

oh no... we lost control again...

2005-10-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

today i put in my application for teh full time youth position at the first baptist church of williston north dakota. i may be moving back here in may. who knew?

im just a boring example of everybody else...

2005-10-16T23:03:00.000-07:00

today in sunday school (i teach the college class) on of the girls in my class (there are 3 and no boys, yeah only 4 of us in the class) after prayer request one of the girls said... * my life could be a disney movie... about a princess stuck in a small town* it was seriously the most amazing thing that i heard all year!

watched dead poets society tonight man i love that movie. hung out with another girl from my class rachel (we watched the movie) and she has a big derek jeter card board cut out in her room its pretty amazing. i think it would scare teh crap out of me about every single night that i woke up and saw the dang thing.

pumpkin race was tonight at the best part of the whole thing is that the junior high girls won the whole thing and they are supposed to be the ones who dont have a clue. life is good and things are going great here. this week i have actually thought about seeing if i could come back in may. im not sure where that thought is coming from but it is a thought that is in my mind. i guess well just have to see then wont we.

she belongs to her mother and the state of ohio i wish she belonged to me...

2005-10-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

i think that the best part of the dinner that i had last night was the bread! it was amazing and it has roasted garlic and olive oil and balsamic vinegar dip soo good!!! i love dinner parties! i hope when i move to springfield that i will have a job where i have enough extra money to have a dinner party once in a while.

tomorrow is the great pumpkin race at church and i bought $40 dollars worth of candy for the prizes. i love scavenger hunts and the clues for this one are great they were made by a lady from the church who is creative and clever. its so great! i kinda wish i wasnt hiding them and was playing cause its going to be fun.

i am going to montana next week to be a leader at the disciple now weekend there. im not sure how it will go but i am excited about it. also jeremy is coming in december so i am pretty pumped about that also. and a week after he is here i am leaving to go back to missouri. i guess sometmes i have mixed feelings about that. it will be nice to be back but im not looking forward to the search for a church. its hard to find somewhere you like and feel comfortable and also finda place where your personality and gifts can be used. i am praying for the perfect place to be used. i am also praying for a job. man i need one fast when i get home.

i dont mind, i dont mind...

2005-10-10T23:03:00.000-07:00

so i was telling stories about past love and loss only to reminess with someone who had no clue about how i am or even who i am. so i rolled up my sleeve showed her the vrigin mary tattoo and then told her all about how i am so crazy about girls cause she asked if i had a girlfriend here or back home. it wasnt sad and im actually not lonely right now cause i have made friends who like hanging out or atleast dont mind hanging out. (tish please come with me friday!!!)

correction number two jessie thanks for being a great friend and being a whole month early for my birth day it is november 7th so you all have a whole month to plan what you will do when it finally rolls around. if you wanted to send me a card then my adress is 1616 4th avenue east
williston, north dakota 58801

jenny i did not get your email with your adress and frankly i was a little worried you didnt like me anymore here is a link to my e mail matterhasabreakingpoint@hotmail.com ok so it isnt a link but its my email adress...

danielle i remember that night well and im glad to say that even after 5 1/2 years of getting to know all the wierdness of me we are all still friends.

chelsea you are soo right i almost put 75% but i decided that sounded way too high and made me look like i wasnt picky enough. that apparently makes girls not feel special. dont worry ladies i think you are all special well atleast 75% of you!!!

life is good!

i had my fill and i know how bad it feels.

2005-10-08T21:15:00.000-07:00

today i told stories about all the girls i almost dated or fell in love with, there are times when i think that this is a sad thing, sometimes i think it is a wonderful thing, sometimes i wonder how things would be now if any of those things ever worked out.

i probably told some story about you because i am sure that i was in love with you at sometime as i told the listener i could probably fall in love with about %50 of the female population. (this is a statement to all female readers except my sister though we are %100 compatible according to a highschool fundraiser)(well i guess its a statement to half of the female readers maybe i dunno)

love leaves its abusers...

2005-10-05T20:39:00.000-07:00

boy oh boy jason molina you sure know a lot about life! you know the perfect songs for snowy october days. i mean i would never have known that north dakota has snow the first week of october!

i am reading this book called stumbling toward faith and there is a part where the lady talks about pat answers and how that most christians dont want to think about pain or problems just the easy answers that quit their searching hearts. here is what she said...

the truth in them was stripped out; the whole story in them was eliminated: god doesnt always provide when we think he should, and sometimes, his provision looks nothing like what we expected it to. god may not give more than we can handle, but it doesnt mean that we dont hurt under the weight of what he has already given us. god might provide a way of escape but it might begin past the path of grief or sorrow or betrayel

this is such a good book and i would recommend it to anyone who is searching or anyone who likes to hear about how people who have major road blocks overcome them and are united with christ. she also talks about trust, doubt, and unbelief... she says...

if there's anything i have learned about not knowing, its that it reveals the depth of my trust. can i trust a god who will not explain himself? can i trust a god who leaves me not knowing his purpose, his will? can i trust something beyond the pat answers, the snatched promises, the ways we quiet ourselves when the questioning grows too strong?

can i trust a god who lets me live with an "i dont know" and expects that is enough

oh god that is bigger than me.

oh god that is bigger than daily devotions

pefect answers

and unholy pretending

i believe

i want to believe

be present in the depths of my unbelief...

if you want to read more by her than check out her blog...
here

cry me a river...

2005-10-03T15:42:00.000-07:00

i dont know why but i have been listening to a lot of justin timberlake lately. i guess every once in a while you just gotta get it out of your system.

sunday school for college kids went well. we had 2 kidds show up and that was good enough. we talked about romans chapter one. it went well and i think it actually was the best sunday school class that i have taught since i have been a sunday school teacher. its amazing how the word of God is so perfect and so just what you needed.

its starting to get pretty chilly up here, i think fall might just about be over in north dakota. the leaves are all changing and almost done. the weather man said we might have some flurries tomorrow. thats a little wierd.

have started reading more again there was a while when i wasnt reading much at all and that wasnt a good couple weeks. i will have to work hard to get to my goal of ten books before christmas. i am teaching chapel tomorrow for the highschool kids and the elementary kids so that will be interesting. man i hated chapel in college and now i am a chapel speaker. i guess the good news is im not looking for much respect when i go in there cause i know how much i gave when i was in chapel at school. dah well you win some you loose some.

its all about networking...

2005-09-29T17:28:00.000-07:00

life isnt who you are its ho you know. or maybe its more like if you are lame and know people it doesnt matter if you are awesome but dont know people you are screwed but if you are cool and know people so many things fall into place. this is what i am realizing as i start on a new adventure, i am going to be a promoter for my friend jeremys band. i am going to try and help him set up shows and talk with record labels and we are going to try and get things rolling for him to be a rock star and me to be a rider of the rock stars coat tails. man i know so many people who are awesome and will be able to help me out in some ways or another. how is it that i know the best people to know. i think that my friends are the best friends that a guy could have and i am so thankful that they are my friends.

i have been readin praise habit by david crowder and i am really liking it. he goes through some psalms and talks about them and relates them to his life. its neat to see other peoples lifes and how scripture relates and this makes me want to go deeper and think more about what it means for my life. psalms 88 was what i read htis morning and it was a little depressing but so good.
A song. A psalm of the Sons of Korah. For the director of music. According to mahalath leannoth. A maskil of Heman the Ezrahite.
1[a] [b]
O LORD, the God who saves me,
day and night I cry out before you.
2 May my prayer come before you;
turn your ear to my cry.

3 For my soul is full of trouble
and my life draws near the grave. [c]

4 I am counted among those who go down to the pit;
I am like a man without strength.

5 I am set apart with the dead,
like the slain who lie in the grave,
whom you remember no more,
who are cut off from your care.

6 You have put me in the lowest pit,
in the darkest depths.

7 Your wrath lies heavily upon me;
you have overwhelmed me with all your waves.
Selah

8 You have taken from me my closest friends
and have made me repulsive to them.
I am confined and cannot escape;

9 my eyes are dim with grief.
I call to you, O LORD, every day;
I spread out my hands to you.

10 Do you show your wonders to the dead?
Do those who are dead rise up and praise you?
Selah

11 Is your love declared in the grave,
your faithfulness in Destruction [d] ?

12 Are your wonders known in the place of darkness,
or your righteous deeds in the land of oblivion?

13 But I cry to you for help, O LORD;
in the morning my prayer comes before you.

14 Why, O LORD, do you reject me
and hide your face from me?

15 From my youth I have been afflicted and close to death;
I have suffered your terrors and am in despair.

16 Your wrath has swept over me;
your terrors have destroyed me.

17 All day long they surround me like a flood;
they have completely engulfed me.

18 You have taken my companions and loved ones from me;
the darkness is my closest friend.

got to talk to my friend jasen about how life is up here and every time i talk about it i feel like there is more to like. there are somehtings that are not the best but i would have to say all in all this place isnt the worst place that i have lived. it feels good to know that the darkness of williston is lifting. now if i could just find friends who are artsy it would be great!

best weekend ever in williston!

2005-09-25T20:39:00.000-07:00

the best weekend ever? yeah friday was a little slow but i did watch a couple movies that werent terrible. i liked hitchhikersguide to the galaxy and i thought the longest yard wasnt great. i think adam sandler should do more wierd movies like punch drunk love. so yeah friday was slow but then saturday was productive i finished up my lesson for tonight, and then i hung out, yeah with people. even someone my age ok well 6 months older but close enough. we went to a show and then grabbed a bite of greasy goodness with about half of the kids who were at the show. after teh first 20 minutes at the truck stop it was actually all people from the show the restauraunt. wierd. the first two bands were ok but the third band was from boston thier name is the constants and i think you should check them out. they are on radar records. and they are really good. i would compare it to a mix between end of the ring wars by appleseed cast and elliot false cathederals. it is pretty good. anyway i am actually hangin out with a friend tomorrow so maybe things are going to change and maybe i wont be lonely too much anymore.

reading blue like jazz and its pretty good. i feel like i can relate to don millers story pretty well and i would say its cool to read about somebody else going through things you thought might be something no one else knew about. Grace is a pretty amazing thing.

oh praise him, he is holy

2005-09-21T06:10:00.000-07:00

this is enough, i need no more than you, you are a feast, you are a cool spring, you are deliverance, you are a balm for all wounds, your near presence is everything, it is breathe it is life...

sucker and dry with a kiss good night...

2005-09-18T20:48:00.000-07:00

today was a good day! church went well this morning and this afternnon i made some cookies for our kickoff of youth group for sunday nights. we had about 20 kids which was a great turnout since i wasnt sure if anyone would show up. we started a series on psalms and i think that it is going to go very good. i have enjoyed the studying i have put into it.

i saw fever pitch and in good company this weekend. fever pitch was ok but i guess im not a huge jimmy falon fan i guess i dont think he is convincing maybe its cause he always laughed during the saturday night live skits. oh well in good company is still amazing and it reminded me of aarond and amanda since they were the people i saw it with. that wednesday night was a good one and i am excited for when nikki and aaron come out there will be good times in springfield.

studying psalms has been good to contemplate where i see God and when ifeel like he is close or he is revealing himself to me. i guess this summer more than ever i have felt like i see God a little more *in focus* through my camera lens. this is when i see creation and beauty at its best this is when i feel like i could never capture the beauty he created but i have to do something and i have to try to capture it so it doesnt escape. and still i wrestle with my future does it involve my faithful friend the camera or will he just be a hobby. i suppose the future will come whether i am ready or not i just pray for the courage to follow my dreams.

where is my hair brush...

2005-09-14T18:20:00.000-07:00

i guess this is my confession that i am secretly addicted to this game on the internet. you might think that this isnt unusual because a lot of people play games on the internet. how did i find this game? well the 4 year old andrew that i live with likes to go to the veggie tales website and play games and one day we were playing this one where the penguins try to plug the black hole with a wad of duct tape. so you have to orbit the duct tape bal around planets and the longer it travels the more points you get and it is absolutely amazing. so i dont think you can just hear my description and feel like this is a valid waste of time so here is the link!!! http://www.bigideafun.com/penguins/arcade/doom_funnel/info.htm go there play and try to beat the japanese people who score 2 billion points! my high score is 629,432 the first time i played it was only 200,000 so i am getting better. not good enough to beat the asian kids but better.

life is good...

trash flavored trash

2005-09-13T14:48:00.000-07:00

today i finished my first book for the next three month goal i set, i will reach it this time! i bought a little journal at wal*mart and i am going to write down how i feel about the book and what i learned and if i underline anything i am going to write that down also. i didnt underline anything in the first book that i read. anyway things are good and i developed a roll of film from around town and on my trip lauren sibett and i hung out so we took some pictures also. some of them were supposed to be urban outfitter style pictures. i will talk about each one before it is show so you will know what i am talking about. here is the first series

the sun was setting behind this grain co-op building and it was shinning through rather nicely. anyway enjoy the warm *glow* of this picture...

the grain co-op was interesting so i took a series of pictures of it so that you could get a nice feel for the building and maybe you will understand how i feel about this town. i think that the building just feels lonely, its beautiful but lonely...

a different view of the co-op

i really liked this one i think the clouds are nice and the colors of the sunset are so nice.

in the parking lot were some old fork lifts that were all rusted out and old looking so took a couple shots of them also...

the grain elevator was the across the street the funny thing is that it might be the only elevator in town. ok so i made a lame joke sorry...

hedericks is this old building where they have this flea market and you can buy all this old stuff or books by the pound and you can also get icecream for a dollar. mmm bubblegum icecream what a dream come true.

the basement where they keep all the books is apparently *scary*

lauren is a pretty good friend and one of the funniest girls that i know. she likes to act goofy but she is also pretty serious when it matters and for that reason i feel like we are kindered spirits who most people dont take serious but thats ok cause we know were serious sometimes.

this picture makes me think of that on van halen song *jump*

this was our first attempt at urban outfitter type modeling where you try to look like you arent interested in anything but lauren was just too happy to look uninterested...

this one was a little better

then she got happy again you cant smile when youre a model jeez!

and this one is the best she looks uninterested and a little sad perfect time to call urban outfitters and tell them we found some new talent! some sad uninterested talent!

this picture was one of my favorites on the whole roll cause i like the reflection on the water and how you can see through the water at the beggining i think it turned out pretty nice!

and here is just one of the countain i thought looked kinda neat. hope you like these pictures and i hope that you like me more cause i can take nice pictures!

everybody needs a little devestation...

2005-09-12T05:43:00.000-07:00

as i talked to my mother about what i wanted for my birthday i told her that the 14 hour drive from williston to kc was a bit boring and lonely. and that i neede some entertainment so i asked for a cd player for my truck. then they (my parents) decided that i should stay an extra day help dad mow the lawn that he mows for a widow in the church and get a cd player installed. i didnt have many cds with me so i picked up the new/old cursive and there are some amazing songs on it and i also got the blood brothers new album crimes which is so great. it did make the 14 hour trip much better. still a little lonely but better.

you say you had another person that you were persuing this summer like you were shocked? you said there was nothing there so i believed you. we didnt start writing until july you were gone. and i write about girls in my blog too much so i decided that i would try not to for the summer.

being in springfield after 3 months of being gone is wierd! i feel like i missed a lot of good things some bad things and deffienately missed teh heat and humidity. i think it will be good to get back there and i think that it will be good to finish school and start on something new. i think that my experience here has lead me to believe that working in a church as a vocation is not for me. i think that i would still like to teach in a church just not as my main source of income.

if you decide to end your stay ill board up the doors and walk away...

2005-09-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

back from springfield and it was a great trip. i saw kaleb and jeremy and had very meaningful conversations with each of them. i confessed my love to a girl i had been writting letters to all summer and she said that we could still be friends but we shouldnt write letters anymore. it was a lonely drive back to kc and i think that i had that feeling that i have in north dakota a lot the one where i think i might puke any minute. i wonder if this lonely feeling will get worse as i take that fourteen hour trip home alone.

i bought the new sufjan album and there is some great stuff on it. i love what he says on the john wayne gacy, jr. song... even on my best day i am just like him... its so true sufjan its so true even on our best days we are no good. picked up experiential story telling and blue like jazz to add to my reading list made it through the first three chapters of story telling already. things are good. lonely but good.

this my chocolate attack...

2005-09-04T18:35:00.000-07:00

so my goal for the summer was read 10 books and i am sorry to tell you that i am a failure. august past and i have read 9 and 2 half books. unfortunately in this case 2 halves do not make a whole. i did however read more this summer than i have in my life and i loved reading and learning and growing. there are still thoughts that are bouncing through my head and will continue to do so for a long time. i am setting a new goal of 10 books before christmas. im not sure what to do about the 2 hal fbooks that i read. do i count them for last time or this time. so i think my solution is to say i read 9 books this summer and once i finish these books i will count them for the christmas goal. this feels a bit like cheating but i suppose that i will get over that. i am home in kansas city and its fun to be with the people who know you best the people who love you most and the ones who make you laugh the hardest. i am looking forward to springfield tomorrow and i will be back to kc on thursday. i do miss north dakota and i will be happy to get back *home* wherever that is.

sing me something soft sad and delicate...

2005-08-30T10:35:00.000-07:00

*a disciple is someone who arranges his or her life to live the way that Jesus would live is he were them*

and as i read this i thought that it seems so simple and yet unatainable. and i feel like i am doing well and i fall flat on my face. there are days when i feel like the light inside of me is showing and there is a darkness inside still sometimes the darkness is pretty over powering though. i pray that i would take the time to clean the inside of my cup and not just the outside. thank God for life and learning i just wish i didnt learn the hard way all the time.

you were always the one...

2005-08-26T20:07:00.000-07:00

sometimes prayer is sort of like a wish list or things that i want God to do for me. and i have heard so many people talk about living lives of prayer or constantly being in a state of prayer and it never made sense. there has always been something mysterious about prayer about petitioning the almight for my meager needs. to bother the creator of the universe with what i want him to do for me. it all ner really made sense. then as i read lasr night dallas willard said that there is this strange ocurance in prayer where when my heart is in the right place and i am serving God then the natural thoughts i have will be thoughts in obtaining the goals of God. so then my prayers depend on my knowledge of Gods goals for life. and i am learning more about these goals for justice and for the needs of the poor to be met and for me to plead the case of the fatherless and the widows. these are the things that prayers are made of. these are the way Gods heart is beating reconciling the whole world to himself and my prayers mingled with the power of the holy spirit in me give me the amazing oppertuniity to be a part of that. this blows my mind this makes me want to be a part of everything God is doing.

i saw a terrible crash and i couldnt help but laugh...

2005-08-24T20:07:00.000-07:00

let there be nothing but grattitude in our hearts, we who lounge comfortably in front of computer screens, well fed and out of harms way! May God protect us from our comforts and luxuries, give us a holy restlessness with our apathy and give us the compassion that would allow us to give all we have to those in need not out of compulsion or posturing but to do our duty in love...

you have the kindest eyes that i have ever seen...

2005-08-24T17:49:00.000-07:00

my sister convinced me that there are more people on my space and i should get an acount so i did. i guess when i am bored out of my mind and there is nothing to do in north dakota i can try to make some new internet friends. sometimes life is pretty wierd.

the tongs are out of town and i am bored. i am also going to be eating cereal for every meal until sunday cause i dont want to cook. plus i feel like a visitor here still so i wouldnt really rummage through the cabinets and try and find something.

i am going to springfield in 9 days and i am pretty excited.

the kingdom of God is here now and we are invited to join in on it. today i was reading in Luke and this thought was reaffirmed. i pray that i am living a kingdom life bringing the kingdom of God here and now to earth. i pray that i find a way to bring peace and justice to the community in which i live.

you knew that you had me it wasnt even fair...

2005-08-22T18:49:00.000-07:00

my cousin shawn got married to her finace ryan and i think that he is probably one of the nicest guys i have ever met. i wish i could have been there. this is a picture of them with my papa im named after him, not wesley my first name Donald.

youre so easily red im so easily blue...

2005-08-22T10:19:00.000-07:00

last night i went bowling with my kidds. it was pretty fun im not very good at bowling and i got bored after the first game but there wasnt anyone to act stoopid with and i figured i shouldnt either since i am the leader. but it really made me miss kaleb someone who would get bored with me and then make things fun. i think that i am going to be making a trip to my parents house and then down to springfield. it will be good to see all my friends and to hang out with people i love and who know me. i think that starting a second job is the best thing i could have ever done. i feel about 100 % better since i started working. Landon told me his theory on why it would be good to work and i think that he has a pretty good point. he said that since the fall we were cursed to work and sweat and women were cursed with the pain of child birth and so if we arent working or baring children there seems to be something missing. i think i agree with him.

today in my reading i read lukes acount of the transfiguration and i think that it is probably the most amazing story. im not sure why it amazes me but i just think it was such a cool thing for jesus to do. i bought a book called jesus the jewish theologian and in it there is a chapter about the transfiguration and i am tempted to skip ahead and read it. hopefully i get to read that one soon i need to finish up my books soon so i can move on to some more.

lock my heart in brass box...

2005-08-19T06:30:00.000-07:00

yesterday was my first day at pro care, i am officially a carpet cleaner now! well im more like the guy who gets all of the stuff out of the truck as vance cleans the carpet. and we are pretty much the most technologically advanced carpet cleaners in town cause we have the Rx-20. its a 7000 dollar machine that i have no desire to use because i could see myself messing it up. anyway the first day of work was great i think it was the best first day of work that i have ever had.

still reading divine conspiracy because its pretty long, but i am half way through it and it has been pretty challenging. i like what he says a lot about having a kingdom heart. he goes through the sermon on the mount and he breaks it down verse by verse. i really have enjoyed this book a lot. i think the thing that has challenged me most is when he says that the things jesus says we should do arent laws they are examples of kingdom living and the only way we can live those things is to change our hearts. they are a natural occurence in our lives when we are loving God the way we should. so i have to think that when i am messing up spiritually it isnt cause im not doing the right actions on the out side its because my heart isnt beating like Gods, im not loving him the way i should. change comes frm the inside and effects the outside.

theres a great big tare in the sky...

2005-08-17T07:05:00.000-07:00

so i finally managed to get a couple pictures developed from teh state fair. i think most of them were mediocre and really i wanted to take pictures at night but it was so hot that we left at 6. i spent some time in the petting zoo which was my favorite part of the whole thing. i dont know maybe im 5.

a cow that was albino i think it was kinda creepy looking.

this goat kept poking the other goats with his horns so that he could get all the food what a jerk!

tina! get your food you fat lard!

i thought this stand looked kinda neat with all the pastel colors and flags it probably would have been cooler at night but i wasnt there...

this is the ride section of teh fair which was mostly all it was. the rides at fairs scare me cause you know how sometimes you read about people dying on them or something going terribly wrong. so i decided not to ride them.

here are a couple pictures of the outskirts of town. it was almost stormy and the sun was setting so it wad kinda pretty.

and another

last night i had a dream

2005-08-12T16:12:00.000-07:00

we went to disney land and we road on all the rides we didnt have to wait in line... ok not really that was someone elses dream. in my dream i became a photographer. yeah i drempt that i submitted pictures for a contest and not only did i win the contest but they thought i was so amazing they hired me. (dreams are cool like that) i guess the wierdest part of the dream was that even though i was doing something i loved to do i had the same feeling (the one where i feel like im going to puke) that ihave now. the one i feel even though i love working with the youth that i am so nervous that im messing it all up or that im not qualified... i dont know how to interpret dreams and im not even sure i think they should be interpreted. im glad that i am staying until december though. maybe sometime soon i can stop feeling like im gunna puke.

i got a hair cut the girl that cut it was pretty nice and i think she did a nice job. sometimes i hope that i marry a girl who knows how to was hair and give a nice head massage. thats pretty much my favorite part of the hair cut.

God is good and smart...

2005-08-11T06:42:00.000-07:00

reading the divine conspiracy by dallas willard and yesterday he said that a lot of times we think that God is good but we dont think he understands much about what is going n in the real world. and on sunday jeremy was telling me that his plan to get rid of debt was to be generous and givemore money away because solomon says cast your bread on the water and in many days it will return... and i think that it goes against everything i know about finances to give your money away to insure that you are financially stable. but thats what jesus tells us to do on the sermon on the mount to live generously and graciously and i think God is good but this standard is high and these actions are *impossible* but in all reality jesus is smart also. he knows how to change the molecular structure of water into wine... heal tissue by touching it... open eyes that have forever been blind... and there are days when im not sure he can handle my little problems. so i ask for wonder and awe and i am given the oppertunity to live generously and not know how i will take care of things on the other side? i guess this is where i find out if i truely believe that kingdom living is the best possible way to live, and if i trust that jesus is not only good but smart.

the road goes ever on...

2005-08-08T20:12:00.000-07:00

and on, down from the door where it began. now far ahead the road has gone, and i must follow it if i can, pursuing it with eager feet, until it joins a larger way where many paths and errands meet. and whither then? i can not say...

sometimes truth is hard to write down in a scholarly fashion... or explain in a book when you wish people could see what you see or feel how you feel and there is so much you could never explain sometimes it has to come out in art... you have to paint it or draw it or build something so that people can see whats inside of you and how it looks as it makes its way out. i feel the need to create there is too much trapped inside.

their playing love songs on the radio tonight... i dont get those songs on mine

2005-08-05T07:21:00.000-07:00

last night i helped leland dig up a pole that was in the back yard. so normally people who put a clothes lines pole in the ground might put a little cement around to keep it sturdy. luckily the people put it real close to a huge tree and put four feet of cement around it. so we had to break the first 2 feet of it off with a hammer. and tehn there were some roots that we had to break through. basicly it took us two nights or about 5 hours. i think that i have girly hands cause they hurt a lot today, from the shovel and the hammer.

started to study I John with leland and i am pretty excited about thinking about love and life and how those things should look in our life. plus i think that it will be nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of someone. i mean i have a lot of new ideas going through my head but no one to help me balance them. its hard to be presented with a lot of information and try to sort through it on your own. i think new ideas are best explored with friends. i guess that i get to talk with landon about these things although he is leaving in 3 weeks. but i would rather keep exploring and learning than wait until i have friends to look around with. unless you want to look around with me just let me know.

my dear diary...its just you and me...tonight...

2005-08-03T16:16:00.000-07:00

i started trying to read divine conspiracy again. i started it about a year ago but didnt make it all the way through. and since rob bell suggested reading it several times in his book i thought that i should give it another try. i think that even though i read quite a bit 400 pages is still a big commitment. it has kept me away from several fiction books that i havent had the courage to swim through. anna kirinina, war and peace, the fountian head... you know the long ones. anyway with 8 books under my belt this summer i thought that i might be able to move up into the next weight class (over 250 pages)so maybe this book will feel like quite an acomplishment. i remember ben talking about it last summer at camp and it seemed to have a pretty big impact on his life so i am looking forward to it.
today wasnt very exciting although last night i taked to a guy from church and i think that i am going ot be able to work with him cleaning carpets. that will be pretty sweet. i think i will like it more than working at the pizza place. maybe this will be the thing i need to help me feel like i do something. i mean i work at the church but there isnt always a lot to do. if i felt like i was productive maybe it would make my time here less lonely. or maybe if i wasnt a lone most of the day. i feel like i need more interaction. more connection. but i dont want to seem like that whiney girl who wants all your attention.

for love is a miracle...

2005-08-02T08:00:00.000-07:00

putting together the puzzle of life is wierd. when you stop and think about 1 decision being changed and the whole course of human history (maybe not that dramamtic) but atleast my life and everyone around me would be different. i mean i guess its kinda like that chrsitmas movie where the guy sees what life would be like without him i mena kinda. see landon said how in the world did you end up in williston? and i said what do you mean. so he said it wouldnt be wierd to say i had been to kansas city or even springfield but to say you came to williston you had to do it on purpose. and so i started thinking about the chain of events that lead me here. and im sure if much would have been different in my life i wouldnt be here. i dont know where i would be. so im glad that i am here. and im so happy that i have experienced everything that i have in my life up until this point. crazy! life is wierd looking ahead is so uncertain and looking back is just as wierd.

jenny it was nice talking to you last night im glad i met you...

jess im glad that you will be home soon sitting at home every night is getting boring. i mean i know all you will talk about for the time you are home is hong kong but i guess that will be better than nothing. just kiddin.

son of man, son of God, lost in the cloud....

2005-07-30T07:56:00.000-07:00

today i am heading to the state fair with my kids! i am taking my camera so hopefully i will have pictures for my next post.
i talked ot my friend clay the other night and i wanted to tell him all i was learning but he wanted to talk about how terrible of a person he is. and it wasnt like im so bad i murder people and eat babies it was like im so bad cause sometimes i dont get up hours before i need to so that i can pray and read. now i dont think that its a bad thing to be disiplined and read and pray i try ot do those things every day. i wanted to tell him that we are new creations and that all of our sin is forgiven and that we approach God how we are and he restores us when we fail. im so happy that i dont need to beat myself up and that i dont need to think its the end of the world when i fail. this is part of my journey and He is there through the whole thing.
then i called my friend mandy and it turns out that we are learning some of the same lessons this summer and she is growing and learning and life is so good for her.
and then i called kaleb and he is growing in the opposite direction that i am and its ok because we love eachother sooo much that we can discuss things and love eachother even if we disagree. and i am so glad that i am learning more about what being part of the family of God means.
life is good and i wouldnt want to be anywhere but where i am right now! thank you so much for the joy you have brought me living my life in the present. for blessing me with the mystery and for leaving me with awe!

lamb of God we draw near...

2005-07-27T16:58:00.000-07:00

though the fig tree does no tbud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in teh pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet i will rejoice in teh Lord, i will be joyful in God my Savior, the soveriegn Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights. Habakkuk 3. 17-19

reading War of Words by paul tripp and there are some really great ideas so far. i think that some of the best things that he has said invovlve God desiring to not make me successful but to make me Holy and when i get frustrated that i havent accomplished everything i desired that i should know what counts the most is my character. the second thing that i think has been challenging is the purpose of our words which are twofold. first to bring glory to God and second the are used by God to redeem those around us. God is interested in the redeption of mankind and he has chosen our words to be the vehicle. the purpose of our words are worship and redemption.

i have been listening to Sufjan stevens album seven swans a lot lately and the last song transfiguration is soo good, i love it. i want to get illinoise because sufjan is probably one of my favorite artist right now. i suppose that i will have to order it off the internet unless walmart has it(thats was a joke) since there isnt anywhere in town to get music besides wal mart. i guess on saturday when i take the kids to the state fare i could sneak off and try to find a music store and starbucks. hummm that sounds like a pretty good idea!

theres no denying this is what you are...

2005-07-26T23:01:00.000-07:00

got a new phone you know one that works in williston so that i could talk with friends. if you would like my number than you should e mail me or leave me some way to get a hold of you so that i can give you my number. its verizon so if you have verizon we could talk all you ever wanted. if not ill probably call you after 9.
i have found my self praying along with mark 9 i Believe! help my unbelief... there are things i am trying to figure out things that seem so contrary to everything that i have been raised to believe. things that have been there all along but someone with eyesight a little better than mine has pointed me a new direction. i admit that i like to feel safe and for that reason i have settled for quite a tame faith. i want the mystery i want the faith that risks it all.

sing loud the stars laugh...ive been here all along...

2005-07-26T16:22:00.000-07:00

today i mailed a letter which could possibly be one of my favorite things to do. no one ever sits down and writes a letter anymore. there is nothing quite like the feeling you get when your name is on the front of the envelope and some one has taken the time to tell you about their life. e mail is convienient and blogs are even stopping the frequincy of that. somtimes i feel as if my relationships were reduced to comments. dont get me wrong i love comments, they are nice quick and easy too. e mails require a little time but there is just something amazing about an envelope with my name on it that sends me through the roof. if you are wondering how you gte people to write you letters well i will tell you the secret. what you do is write a bunch of people and then see who writes back and then you continue correspondance with those willing to write back. its been a good summer for letters as i have recieved 5 letters and one care package. my sister sent me the best care package!
tonight leland cooked steak on teh grill and we are having tiramisu for desert! tag team effort form the men of the house to make one amazing meal... im just not sure how beverly does it all the time and works full time. women amaze me!

i need thee oh i need thee every hour i need thee...

2005-07-25T21:38:00.000-07:00

tonight i was craving tiramisu (italian desert made with mascarpone cheese and ladyfingersdipped in expresso and brandy)so i went to the store and bought some mascarpone cheese lady fingers and brandy. i was a little nervous since williston is such a small town that everyone would know that the youth pastor of first baptist bought a small bottle of brandy so i pretty much told the lady at the counter everything about tiramisu and how great it was and about how thats all i was going to use the brandy for and im sure she thought i was a little nutty. so andrew (my 4 year old friend) helped me mix all teh ingrediants and we made a nice big tiramisu. unfortunately you have to freeze it so its in the freezer right now not partially in my belly. ok im a liar and i snuck a small half froze piece which i might add was delicious. next time i make it i will need ot buy two bags of lady fingers though since they were a little sparce in the mix.
today i finished velvet elvis:repainting the christian faith and i think it was one of the most challenging books that i have ever read. i love how rob bell communicates and i love how he doesnt think that he is the know all end all of christian faith. since pride is a sin that easily slips into my life this is an encouraging thought. i plan on reading the book again in a few weeks so that i can rethink some of the ideas. the last chapter was about how we are new creations in christ and that the old man is passed away. this isnt a new idea by anymeans but he did have a fresh take on it. someitmes i forget the regeneration that has taken place in my life sometimes i doubt that christ work was complete in cleansing my sin. i think that he is keeping tabs on all the times i mess up but he isnt. i am forgiven completely.
i think my favorite part of the book was that he pointed out the wit of john who says mary didnt recognize christ after his resurection. she says oh well i thought you were the *Gardener* why is this witty? well let me tell you about genesis and where everything started, in the Garden! yeah Jesus came to make all things new and john thought it was kinda funny. thanks john!
lots of ideas floating around in my head and tonight more than ever i feel like i am on the right track doing the right thing. its almost like life is starting to make sense. almost. maybe. for now.

the Lord is in his holy temple the whole world is silent before him...

2005-07-24T22:23:00.000-07:00

habakkuk 2:20 was one of the verses that i used today in sunday school to try and help the kids understand that there are benefits to being silent before the Lord. and there is a reverence that we should be able to enter when we are thinking about God and his holiness. im not sure any of the kids get it. thats fine i guess i will plant the seed and pray that someone else waters it. but it is frustrating to ask the kids if they thinkit is important to have a time where we are sitting silently before God not praying and asking for things not even praising but being silent and letting his glory fill us. the kids decided that it was important but not important enough to take the time and do it. like i said hope fully the thought is there for someone else ot cultivate.
tonight i took the kids swimming at the public pool we rented it out and we had about 15 kidds and 7 adults so that was cool. unfortunately i over heard one of my kidds talking about his plans to drink when he went to another country with a lower drinking age. i dont know if he is just trying to impress this girl who was visiting or if he really wants to drink. im not sure what to do since i think he already feels like he isnt really a part of anything that we do so i dont want to tell his dad. but i also dont want him to think i suppost the idea of him drinking and thats why i havent said anyhing. well i guess this is one of the first real challenges that i will get to deal with along this journey.
still trying to think about what i will do during the fall for the kids. i want to communicate to them the type of life that they could be living. the new creation they are in christ able to live a righteous life in christ i life of love in christ. sometimes i feel like i am starting to make some progress with the kidds and i hope they like having me around and i hope i give them something worth while.

id swim across lake michigan for you...

2005-07-22T11:00:00.000-07:00

is all truth Gods truth? can we claim something to be of Gods essence because it is true? could we take something that someone of another faith said and say they got it right thats truth? could we bring that truth into our own faith because it is true and that makes it from God?
where is God somewhere out there or is he here? where is the kingdom somewhere out there or is it here? can people experience God without being christians? are we bringing God to a place or was he always there and we are just starting ot see him? are there only certain places that are holy or are we just to distracted to recognize that places are holy? are holy places only somewhere that life and beauty are taking place or can we experience all that is holy in tragedy and pain?

questiones lead to more questiones and it is in the questiones that i feel like i am starting ot find life. starting to find truth. beaing awakened to the holy place so that i might join jacob and say surely God is in the place and didnt even know it...Bethel...

"...be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now."